Desperate Thinking: A Best Blog Ever Wroted

02 Jun 2008

Desperate Thinking: A Best Blog Ever Wroted Current mood: contemplative Category: Blogging Hey you people out there who I know and probably do not know… it's mighty nice to see you today. My name's Nari. But on the internet, most people call me Expirasin. Well, when they get to know me they call me Nari but they always call me Expirasin at first. This here is called Desperate Thinking. It's just a blog in reality, but I think its special because its not like other blogs. I really put a lot of thought into it since I don't have anything else better to do. And if you're wondering why I'm suddenly introducing this to you, its because I've had a few drinks. Wheeeeeeee… While I'm listening to the sarcastic sounds of Tenacious D, let's mix the predictability of complaints with the respectability of asking questions. Let's even give it a name. How about "Why does blank "blank" so much?" How does that sound? Pretty good? Well tough luck, Scooter. I don't rewrite for shit. "I made a script and I gave it to this producer. He said it was good I just need to rewrite it. I said fuck that I'll just make a copy!" --Mitch Hedburg 1. Why do people with the privelge of making their own decisions disguise spousal reality with hopes of Prince Charming or Cinderella so much? I'm 22 years old now and I've grown to realize that a person has flaws, but for some reason in the back of my head I feel that I MUST have a woman who is black, but not that black, or Spanish, funny, and ambitious. And she must have love for science fiction, cartoons, or pro wrestling or else we won't have anything to talk about. You know, there was a time (And still is) where a man would be paired with a woman just because! Hell, there were even dowry's for some men who married the right woman! Can you imagine getting paid $10,000 just for marrying a bitch?! Does having the privilege to see who you want supposed to make you THAT picky? OK, now I'm listening to Sleepless Sessions by Basic Weaponry: www.myspace.com/wxmc 2. Why do I continue to walk down the streets of the highway despite seeing a dead animal on the side of the road every single time I do so so much? Shouldn't I be getting a wake up call to learn to ride a bike since I don't have a car or license? While I may not have all the answers to this question, I know nobody better come to my face talking about being green, cause my room is the only place in my house with energy efficient bulbs, and I walk whenever I want to go somewhere, so if Al Gore says SHIT to me that's his ass!! 3. Okay, this one is a little off track, but listen: Boxer Melissa Hernandez (Of my site Boxeogirls.com) has a fight next week against a woman named Melissa Fiorentino. Sounds cool, but check this out. Before she got arrested for being a part of a steroid ring, our former mascot model Cindy Serrano fought this Fiorentino girl and lost. Then worse came to worst. Now, only months after joining Boxeogirls, Melissa Hernandez is next in line. This is fucking weird to me. It may seem like simple coincidence, but can you believe that our latest model Stacey Reille (Who just said yes to joining us Saturday) just had her first loss yesterday? The site's getting better but the girls are paying for it!!! Anyhow… Listening to Dethklok now… and watching preschool cartoons because I miss my nephew a little. He's on vacation… 4. Why does 2008 suck so much? I don't even have anything to back that up, just complaints. Halle Berry and J. Lo are milfs, Jessica Alba's pregnant, so is Jessica Simpson's sister, Madonna's clearly a nigga lover (What? Don't look at me like that), and CBS is taking all the good shows on TV and more. PLUS the world's greatest TV block for kids (Kids' WB!) is gone thanks to digital cable and whining bitch ass moms! Have you seen the latest Fruity Pebbles commercials???? Oh sure there's a flipping website for Kids WB now, but the CW isn't advertising it (Or updating it even) so it'll be offline in a matter of months. Fuck, I hate when corporations destroy great TV ideas. 5. Last but not least, I felt inspired by Christina (A bud of mine) because she made a kick-ass blog of all of her favorite cartoons from the 90's which developed her childhood. Well, being the stupid, crazy ass blog series this is, I'm going to list 5 cartoons that helped me develop during and after puberty. Ah, puberty. Thanks Chris Juvi, I owe you. HOME MOVIES: This Brendon Small classic was boring for me to watch at first thanks to the Squigglevision and and extended conversation, but when you put that aside and actually LISTEN to the irony of the conversations, its hilarious. SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST: Now, this show came out when I was 7, so I grew up with it, but thanks to the guys at Adult Swim, SGC2C taught me that death does happen, and sometimes for fucked up reasons. Why??!! Why did they kill Space GHOST??!!!! And damn I miss Birdman… he was my absolute favorite. SOUTH PARK: Let's get something straight. I don't watch South Park anymore. It's been around for a while and the show's pretty boring to watch even though the stories still makes sense. But when I was 12 and everyone in school was bugging about this paper-cut sitcom with cussing kids, I struggled not to watch, knowing it was TV-MA (I was pretty serious about TV ratings at the time when no one else was). Unfortunately, my cousin's husband at the time made me check it out one day and it destroyed everything positive I had dreamed and pretended the world to be. (Listening to the Beatles…) NEUROTICALLY YOURS: I'm going to stick this one here because I was never familiar with the underground popularity of internet flash cartoons until an old online friend introduced me to this show. It still stands on its toes today, but if it weren't for the damn Foamy rants it would still be considered flawless. And no Fred, I'm not giving any credit to Mario the Monkey. What the fuck was that crap anyway??? And number one for the night goes to… COWBOY FUCKING BEBOP!!!! This was not only the first Japanese anime I ever CHOSE to watch, but it was also the show that made me a believer in the Cartoon Network block "Adult Swim". Once again, as you can see, I'm a traditionalist when it comes to my shows. When I see something good I like to stick to it, so when I saw my favorite channel making a transition to shows that could possibly damage a young child's brain, I was against it 100%. Thank you Spike, for giving me faith. You too, Edward :) Alright, I'm gone. Hope we had fun!! I'm gonna peel my glass onion and bust a yellow submarine with my Silver Hammer… --Expirasin P.S. How many times do you see a quote containing references to the Beatles songs mixed in with masturbation? I told you this was a good blog series! P.S.S. Subscribe much?!!?

Desperate Thinking: I Am a Fraud

26 May 2008

Desperate Thinking: I am a Fraud Current mood: awake Category: Blogging I see you like to laugh so put my funny bone down your throat, motherfucker --AnP I can't go on like this anymore!!! It's time to let everyone here know... that I... Nari Ponder... AKA Expirasin... am a fraud. Everytime I've written a blog on this account, it has not been my true liking. Although it is my execution, the true imagination and mind frame that spawns the term "Desperate Thinking" is only because of one person... Alberto Mysterio... and yes, I only know his pen name. Like I said, everything I write on this blog is solely my work, but the reason I write it is because I've been inspired by him to write from the gut ever since I was in my senior year of High School. Mind you this was in 2003, long before I even knew what a fucking 'blog' was. Feeling the class wasn't aware of the little things that could make Jackson MS fun, my writing teacher Mr. Strong would lay these local magazines stacked in front of the class every week for the deliquents to read (I bullshit you not). Not many people read these, but I happened to grab one during school and I came across a series called "Confessions of a Black Punk Rocker". Simply put, a black guy in his mid 40's who loved rebel behavior would write his opinions and memoirs in the 1/3 of a page space he had to use each week. Normally I would say "long story short, I fell in love with the guy" but this was the first time I actually read someone become a prick right in front of my eyes. Oh sure, I had SEEN pricks, or avoided them, rather. But this guy stuck to it without any remorse. In my eyes, he was actually pretty kindhearted, but time had grown old against him, leading him to do nothing except spill his guts out for a couple of hundred dollars, not realizing the effect he could have on the world, including mine. I kept every article I could grab of Alberto's. First collecting the entire magazines, then cutting out the articles. I have about 14 of them to this day, with no luck of finding anything new after four years. I even remember crying after getting an email from the editor of the Jackson Flyer saying that Alberto had left Jackson and went back to his homestate of Texas (This was after sending many Where's Alberto emails). From time to time, I still look for Alberto's work online without luck, and without fail, I make another Desperate Thinking... With my life, expectations, and shortcomings I've begun to feel like I am slowly becoming Alberto. Not in an experience fashion (There's nothing he hasn't felt anyone else hasn't) but in a sense that the older I get, the less I'll care about what most people think. Which is good sometimes, but that habit is easy to blow out of proportion. Soon, it may be the death of me. So Alberto, tonight's blog is you... and its dedicated to you as well. Motherfucker. Confessions of a Black Punk Rocker "The Year I Lost My Mind" People cling to their rotten memories, to all their misfortunes, and you can't prey them loose. These things keep them busy. They avenge themselves for the injustice of the present by smearing the future inside them with shit. They're cowards deep down and just. That's their nature. --Louis-Ferdinand Celine 1992. We moved into that house. It was $500 a month, with a $500 deposit. The rental agent ran away with the deposit, and I never saw it again. It was me and her and three dogs. Two of the dogs would fight each other, ripping and tearing, trying to kill each other. We had to move them around the house like chess pieces so they never came in contact. That was a constant job. Frat Boy Sr., was still in the White House, so I was having a hard time landing a job. I did a few temp gigs and a little commercial acting. A few bucks came in from the comic book I was drawing, but basically I was being supported by a woman that was making six dollars an hour. How we managed to survive I do not remember. It got hot that summer. Every day was 100 degrees. There was no air conditioner, so I sat in my underwear and sweated. There was no furniture, so I sat on a cinderblock in front of the television and waited to die. Every cartoonist in town came by one night and asked me to party. There were almost 20 of them. I was known as the guy who could draw faster than anyone else. I just sat on that brick and stared at the television until they left. They never came around after that. I would scrape together loose change and buy unfiltered Pyramid cigarettes from the dollar store. Those things were horrible, like smoking rolled sheets of plastic, but it was all I could get. Emo's had just opened up and I would see all these beautiful women there, all dressed up in fishnet and leather, mohawks and black lipstick, and I cursed myself for being in a loveless common-law marriage. I would take my pit bull (Melvin) with me. I rescued him from the gas chamber when I worked as a dog catcher the year before. He only growled at skin-heads. He was a good dog. The woman always accused me of things that never happened. She would tell me that I was going to leave her, that I was going to cheat on her. Every time she cut into me, I'd drink another cheap malt liquor to replace the soul she was sucking out of me. In the end, she left me, but by that time I didn't care. We were too poor to rent a lawn mower, so the grass was about three feet high by October. When we opened the back door, a cloud of mosquitoes rose into the air and attacked like a single living thing. Vermin, vermin everywhere. I bombed the house weekly, bought glue traps and pyrethrin spray, but the vermin were everywhere. You could see the fleas leaping along the hardwood floor, smell the rancid mouse urine in the air. The cockroaches were the worst. Giant Texas palmettos like miniature tanks, indestructible, innumerable. I'd stopped sleeping in the same room as the woman, and the roaches would crawl across my face at night, and I'd jump up, yell, feel the adrenaline pumping through me. I'd check the room before I went to sleep, then put the duct tape around the door seals, but they still got in. How, I cannot say. At 3 a.m. I would laugh to myself as I wondered what could possibly happen next. When Brother Bill got into the White House, I managed to find a job. I carried boxes of magazines in a warehouse, huge packages that weighed more than I did, yet I never got any bigger, just smaller and harder. I'd work there all day and go home to the roaches and the dogs and the woman. When the woman decided to date other people, I was happy. It took about two months to get up to speed, but when I did, I had some beauties. There was Kristen, Koshka, Maria... and Eve. Eve was the craziest of them all, an atomic bomb of a woman. A stripper with a skin-bird haircut and the lack of caution and discretion only found in serious alcoholics with mental problems. I fell in love with her, just like I fell in love with the rest, but in the end I wound up alone, we all do. I suppose I should have been satisfied. I was dating whoever I wanted, drawing my comic books, had a job, and I was popular at Emo's. Yeah, I should have been happy, but for some reason I was sad and disgusted. I'd wasted five years in college. I was poor. There's no dignity in being poor, just anger. You're always lashing out at whatever is closest to you. I was full of love that I could not properly express.I had brilliant ideas that would never do the world any good. I had no way to let it out, and I'd forgotten how to cry. I was imploding... entropy... death. This depression coated me like a filthy oil as summer turned into the chill of autumn that year. Skeletons, pumpkins, frost-breath, cockroaches, and this thing screaming inside me. There was nothing for me to do but wait for it to be over, and I've been doing it ever since. This memory is dedicated to to the beautiful yet deadly women who refer to themselves as "exotic dancers." *New Desperate Thinking coming very soon after this.

Desperate Thinking: Thirsty Ghetto Earth Week

29 Apr 2008

Desperate Thinking: Thirsty Ghetto Earth Week Category: Blogging This is my second time writing this. The first draft was rudely destroyed thanks to complications with writing on myspace. Once again, Tom, if I find you, I will kill you. "What, first things first, man, you can't fight the curse You can't call the doctor, you can't call the nurse" --Ol' Dirty Bastard, Thirsty I am experiencing the worst thirst I've ever had in days. Time is most definitely NOT on my side as of now. There's only 10 more days until deadline for acceptance into Turner Broadcasting's trainee program. I don't know how much more of this babysitting thing I can take. I like caring for my nephew, but the fact that my body wakes thinking it's mandatory is getting on my nerves. I think the church girl situation is over. I explained to my fam for why it would never work and I think they get it now. I don't know how many female readers I have, but let me tell you: it sucks when the guy is the one being hunted down for love. Some guys (Flavor Flav) take advantage of this while others (Brad Pitt) just leave it alone. Yet, few men even turn to homosexuality (Lance Bass) at the sight of this uncommon act. I'm looking at my muted TV screen, and did you know the old guy on those Oreck XL commercials is still alive? What a hustle! Anyway, I love that thirst of struggling to gain the attention of some female homosapien who gives into her flesh like any other fucker, yet you feel like they're deserving of the greatest shrine of all time. It's the most sensitive, most gullible (And somehow uplifting) point of a man's life because a man's fuel is DESIRE. DESIRE TO RULE, DESIRE TO EAT, DESIRE TO FORNICATE, you get the picture I hope. Ghost in the Shell. Speilberg. That's pretty much it for me. Maybe with Speilberg's observational skills I can finally understand what Ghost in the Shell is about. Last week was Ghetto Earth Week for me. Now when I say 'ghetto' I don't mean I didn't wash my clothes, or used nothing but bleach to wash dishes, I mean THE FLIPPING ELECTRICITY WENT OUT TWICE. First time around, the power guy knocks on the door with the bad news and tells me he'll give me a minute to call my folks of the bad news. It was more like 15 seconds then he hauled ass. The cell phone service was gone too so that also meant no more ear cancer. So I spend 4 hours consoling nephew about everything and eating junk food with him. Also another four hours reading, drinking beer, and napping. Second time around there was a kick ass storm and the lights blew out, not to mention low electricity the day after, which led to the power companies replacing the fuse boxes or something like that. I didn't want to interfere in their work. HEY, KIDS!!! LET'S WATCH A RACIAL CARTOON! WHLE YOU'RE WATCHING, COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT PART OF THE CARTOON HAVE REFERENCES TO TODAY'S HIP HOP MUSIC INDUSTRY? KEEP A NOTEPAD, CAUSE IT'S GONNA GET LONG!! HEH-HEH-HEH-HUUUH!! See "Coal Black and the Sebben Dwarfs" for more info... A metal band I enjoy called Dead to Fall just broke up and I was a little disappointed cause the band's pretty well organized. Anyway the album's called "Are You Serious?" Pretty ironic huh? Last but not least, I had an intervention yesterday. I'm not an alcoholic, but my family assumed that I've probably killed over a million baby angels via the bathroom since puberty. I blame the great suburban hooker drought of the new millennium. Of course, what I said is just a joke. Yours truly, --Expirasin

Desperate Thinking: No Iron for Old Characters

20 Apr 2008

Desperate Thinking: No Iron For Old Characters Current mood: artistic Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities You my friend, are in for a surprise. You see, I have news and experiences for you. I don't know if these experiences will change your life, you may even feel like these times of literary consumption may be a waste of your time. For that, I apologize. But without your approval, and in need of your review, I bring you DESPERATE THINKING... AND SHOUT OUT GOES TO STACY DASH FOR STILL HAVING IT AT THE AGE OF 41 YEARS... ROAR, GIRLFRIEND!!!!! 1. I just got off from a very disappointing date experience. It wasn't that I was starting all the conversation or actions. It wasn't the fact she complained about the food and bitched about it halfway through the end of dinner. It wasn't the fact it was at HOOTERS (There's NOTHING wrong with HOOTERS). It wasn't that she came in with her work uniform on. It was simply because she wants to be, in my eyes, a mother and NOT a female companion. 2. Since you weren't there, I'll give you a list of things she said during our "Intergender Night Out"... a. You can't drink any beer (SHIIIIIIIT...) b. It's time for you to get a haircut isn't it? c. When is your sister gonna pick you up? (My sister? I'll call whoever's gonna pick me up! Let ME worry about that ma'am!) d. Is that a hair in my cheesestick? Where did that hair come from? I don't like the service here, you don't know where that hair came from (This goes on for 20 minutes...) e. Don't cuss there's kids in here! Matter fact, why are there kids in here? Kids don't need to be in a place like this, etc. 3. After various talk of the same rantings (And me paying the full tab, she got the tip) I was ready for more fun and games. How bad could it get? There were plenty of things to do on a Saturday evening. The sun hadn't even gone down yet in the bright Memphis sky. Need I note that we've been talking for two months and this is our first accomplished night out. And this is what she tells me... she doesn't want to watch a movie, she's tired and she says she wants to go home. No wonder I BS around talking to her. So I tell her to drop me off at the mall so I can enjoy myself. 4. BTW, what is more fun than playing Soul Caliber 2, kicking people's butts at it, judging books by their cover at the bookstore, drinking $2 vanilla milkshakes, checking out bad DVD covers, and talking to your best buds on the celly? 5. Once again, bad letdowns aside, I am not a romanticist. I'll be polite to YOU, but in return I gotta be ME. I'm 22 years old and I have NO PLANS of settling down anytime soon. I'm too happy being able to wake up in the morning knowing I have another day to live. I don't usually talk of my flaws, but do you know how long it took for me to build up the confidence I have now? It didn't come easy because I'm not the best looking guy in the world. But I was born with moebius syndrome, what's Coolio's excuse? Do I really have to hold myself over just to validate myself with the existence of another human being that I'm not crazy about? I think not. I've got to cut this whole situation out the way soon, I don't wanna end up getting my ass kicked over a myspace blog. It can happen, so says the news... 6. And now, I'd like to reveal the winner of last entry's short film contest entry... RIVAL. Personally I wanted to do The Island of Doom, but that is something I feel is very special, in other words if it has to be done it must be uncensored. Not very appropiate for a public contest entry I say. And how's this for a publicity stunt? My bud Grace Rivera (check top friends) will be written as the main star. If I win, I'll do what I can to get her to star in the film. But of course, first thing first. 7. My heart is pacing for May 9th to come and go. If I don't get a letter from Turner Broadcasting by May 9th then its goodbye trainee opportunity and bye bye ATL opportunity for now. 8. Now, I'd like to ventilate on pop culture again. For those who know, I've been pretty crazy about the upcoming Iron Man movie even though I'm not an Iron Man fan. RDJ is a surprisingly good Tony Starks, and the technology CGI of this film is badass! But... I will not be watching the Iron Man movie this summer. But why...? 9. Terrence... Howard. Stop doing movies... I've been watching you ever since you did those lame ass UPN sitcoms back in the day (Remember Sparks?). Seeing you get those Affirmitive Action roles you've been beating Taye Diggs for is getting on Hollywood's nerve. They don't want to hurt your feelings because you're black, but since I'm black I'll be honest with you. YOUR EXPRESSIONS ARE WEAK. STOP TRYING TO BE DENZEL WASHINGTON!! IF YOU'RE NOT INTO RAP, DON'T DO A RAP MOVIE! I DON'T CARE IF YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A CHALLENGE OR NOT! THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS YOU DON'T TOUCH! And Howard? If what I'm saying isn't true, then why were you cast as a supporting character for the upcoming "Luke Cage" film? You look just like Cage, so why did Tyrese get the role and you got a backseat ride instead? Go ahead and hesitate your answer, I'll wait... 10. I think I've said enough for now guys. I'd like to say hello to all those new friends I've linked up to myspace recently. I may not have time to get to know you all, but I hope you check this blog out because its dear to me and reminds me to keep doing what I love no matter what the consequence may be. A lot of people have died just to be able to speak their mind and I'm out of harm's way living with my mother, father, sister and nephew talking about a boring date and someone who is obviously on the grind, fulfilling their dreams. I can't blame anyone for being who they are because my distaste in what they do is all in good taste. I would never wish sorrow or death on anyone at anytime. But if writing this blog means that you'll notice the error of your ways and possibly doing something about it, so FREAKING BE IT!! Good day everyone, I'm going to drink some Wu-Yi tea for my weight... --Expirasin

Desperate Thinking: Kilobyte Fruit on a Limewire Tree

31 Mar 2008

Desperate Thinking: Kilobyte Fruit on a Limewire Tree Current mood: awake Category: Blogging Ladies and gentlemen this blog is scheduled for 10 rounds and is for the "Desperate Thinking Championship"… in this corner… from Jackson and Meridian, MS… at 5’10", weighing in at 217 lbs… the Dirty Southpaw… Expirasin!!! Get ready, this is a long one... 1. I had to take a break from internet interaction these past two weeks due to finishing the very first TV pilot I’ve ever written entitled "Posey’s Pockets". Due to processing of publication, I can’t publicly let anyone see it, but close people to me are welcome to it if they ask. I even included two characters (Fred and Alex) who are counterparts of Weapon X and AnP, two of my favorite independent artists right now. 2. I learned also that I have a HUGE problem with making too many assumptions. This has been a known problem to me since I was 12, but this time my stepfather noticed and it kind of bit me in the ass. I’ve been trying to find work in Turner Broadcasting for years and I came close when I found out about their intern program (Which unfortunately was for college students, and unpaid). 3. Being a graduate already, I thought I was screwed but I tried to find a loophole for a week. And underneath my nose was a trainee program (Pay with benefits) that I didn’t understand so I didn’t apply for it. Two weeks later I look into it again (Along with READING it) and I was sure I could’ve gotten it if I did what I was supposed to. But the deadline was in a week and a half (the 31st)! I bust my ass, finish my pilot script, and send the script in to the mail by Saturday afternoon, which was good. But if I hadn’t assumed the internship was all I was good enough for, or that Turner Broadcasting would FOREVER be looking for trainees, OR that delivering a package overnight would be less than ten bucks, I wouldn’t have had to drug myself on Red Bull or ask my stepfather for money I needed for a golden opportunity. He said he was happy to give the money, but he was upset that I assumed he would have it at the last minute. Which I did. Once again, thanks Ronny. 4. A moment of spontaneity happened when my sister (A usual club person) needed someone to go to the Level 2 Club with her the other night. She asked me if I wanted to go (I didn’t) and I decided to, since her boyfriend was too tired to watch her back, which was cool. I dress up, we ride down to the area, and I saw the one thing that completely shook me up about urban lifestyle… THERE WAS A WAL-MART NEXT TO THE CLUB!!! Allow me elaborate, IT WASN’T A FEW BLOCKS DOWN, IT WASN’T ACROSS THE STREET, THEY WERE SIDE BY SIDE ON THE SAME OUTLET PLAZA!!! Anyway, that was enough to shock me to an early grave, but when I went up to the bouncer to go in, I wasn’t admitted because apparently females can be 21 and enter, but men must be 25!! Funny how these things work out, huh? All I needed to see was that damn Wal-Mart though. 5. I have an issue. Remember that girl I told you all about in the last entry? The one who told me to stop cussing because of God? She won’t stop ****ing calling me! Every **** day she calls me! Even my best friends don’t call me everyday and if they do they have something to talk about besides absolutely nothing. I can’t take this crap! The only reason I’m still talking to her is because my mother introduced me to her and she goes to school with her. So I’ve been doing all I can to just creep her out or make her sick of me but nothing works. Maybe if she reads my blog she’ll leave me alone... maybe… 6. And just in case you’re wondering, I don’t want to have sex with her (She wants it I’m sure though) because if I hit it and quit it my family will probably never forgive me for it. Besides that’s just not my thing. Not sex, just using someone’s emotions for it. 7. You know, this blog is probably gonna come back to haunt me. Yep, I think this is one of those blogs. 8. WRESTLEMANIA 24 WAS OFF THE CHAIN!!! I thought it was gonna be predictable and plain, but something in my head told me they spent way too much money to blow this one so I spent lots of my time trying to watch it online for free before it started. And how’s this for a surprise? My mother wanted to see Floyd Mayweather’s main event so she paid for it without even thinking! What a surprise for me! I’m not going to give one of those wrestling fanboy reviews or anything like that, but I will say I haven’t been that excited at a PPV since I saw one in person. 9. Speaking of pro wrestling, my brother Otha and I are in talks of developing our own wrestling video blog show. We already have a name, now I’m assembling the premise and structure. It will be meant to show fan-style opinions but with a comedic heel output that you can only find in, well, pro wrestling! 10. And last but not least, I’d like to vent out on someone for the second time… STEVE FUCKING CARELL. I’ve been a fan of the show "Get Smart" ever since I was five years old, watching Nick at Nite at 2 in the morning eating Corn Flakes at my Grandmother’s house. I was obsessed with the Maxwell Smart character growing up because he was always technologically advanced but too dimwitted to be James Bond. Sort of like a Don ..Quixote mixed with Mission Impossible if you will. Well, as if his constant presence hasn’t already smashed my cranium, Carell is now starring in the remake of my beloved classic and I have one problem with the trailer… the guy onscreen is not the CHARACTER of Maxwell Smart, but the character of STEVE CARELL! The same simple minded, Dane Cook dialogue snatching, Seinfeld inferiority complex as all his other movies!!! Carell, I mean this from the bottom of my heart, if you screw this up, I will put aside my ambitions to brutally beat Lil’ Bow Wow and hunt you down like the disabled Gulf War veteran of acting that you are, sell a script to your favorite Director friend, cast you in the movie, win a big award for it, and when its my time to go on stage and give thanks, rather than thank you… I’ll be thanking your wife for her fantastic tongue tricks and delicious cookie recipes. And your winner (And only contender) still "Desperate Thinking" champion... EXPIRASIN!!!!

Desperate Thinking: Mississippi Mudfritters Recipe

09 Mar 2008

Desperate Thinking: Mississippi Mudfritters recipe Current mood: awake Category: Blogging I felt obligated to do this session of blogging because I'm in the middle of my writing my first pilot and my mind ran aloft watching Aisha Tyler videos on myspace, so I knew something was wrong with my creative juices. Let's bring up some stuff!! --SOCIAL INTERACTION-- This girl I'm talking to (In a fliritng manner) made a move to change who I am the other day and I'm definitely pissed by it. We were on the phone, I was having a bad day anyway (Headache) so I started cussing up a storm and this is what happened... ME: F**k that s**t man. HER: Stop that. ME: Stop what? HER: Stop cussing. ME: Stop cussing? Sh*****t. HER: For real God doesn't like that. ME: Are you gonna be like that this whole conversation? HER: No, I'm just saying-- ME: Cause I hate it when people press religion to try and prove a point against me. Now the fact that profanity gets in the way of developing a tasteful vocabulary is definitely true, but using God as a reason to stop cussing is like saying God doesn't want you to eat pork, not because its a pain on your digest system but because GOD said not to. Don't do that man. She lossened up a bit and I even apologized for cussing a few more times, but just a note, I've gone 22 years without you (Insert name) so don't think I'm desperate for you now, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. It's not like we're dating anyway. --MONEY-- Last Friday, I get a call from Exxon telling me to come to work on Monday at 10 to fill out paperwork and training sessions. The weekend, I get the proper clothes for the job, black pants and shoes, thanks mom. Monday, I get there at 8:30 and the lady tells me that she said Saturday. SATURDAY??? You mean to tell me I confused Saturday with Monday?? I'm not a freaking retard you know?!! Anyway, she tells me she'll have to reschedule and she'll call me when its time. A week has past. So I may be kicked off my high horse again. I seriously think there was a conspiracy involved. Maybe I just convinced myself it was Monday since Saturday felt so unlikely. Oh, I don't know. --TELEVISION-- I've had to cut back on the pro wrestling shows I love to keep my nephew Kyle from trying to 450 splash from the waterbed lately and its getting on my nerve. I can't wait to get DVR so I can just record everything I want. But I did find a subtle substitute... NINJA WARRIOR!! That show is more passionate than anything I can imagine! 100 challengers and sometimes none of them even make it to the final stage! And for the guys, there's the WOMEN of Ninja Warrior! Mmmm, soft like strawberries and feisty like barbed wire! --ROCK-- For those who were told, I'm constructing a demo with a guy named Trey Stein to see if he's interested in having me in his band. Personally I think the rough draft I sent was a 7 out of 10 for me, but I sent it anyway to let him hear at least a sample of what I'm capable of doing. God I hope to re-record on Monday or Tuesday. I really need it. --HIP HOP-- Okay... 2002... I am SO SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID ABOUT YOUR HIP HOP! FUBU RECORDS WASN'T THAT BAD! BUBBA SPARXXX WAS FRESH AND INNOVATIVE!! DJ QUIK WAS AT HIS BEST, REALLY! 8 BALL'S SLOW STYLE WAS COOL! LIL' FLIP WAS THE HOTTEST THING IN THE SOUTH AND SO WAS LIL' JOHN! I'M NOT ASKING FOR MUCH, BUT PLEASE PLEASE FREE ME FROM THE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE MUSIC I'M HEARING TODAY!! EVEN MY 11 YEAR OLD BROTHER IS FED UP WITH SOME OF THE CRAP ON THE RADIO!! IT SERIOUSLY DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!! --MOVIES-- I don't watch bootlegs so I can't tell you anything about movies right now. Although I'm tired of seeing Will Ferrel in biopic comedy movies. And what the hell is up with Steve Carell? Horton Hears a Horsecrap! I'm tired of seeing his face too! Dude, stick to the Office. Is NBC and TBS not paying you enough? Are you not happy with the money you're getting from syndicated releases of "The 40 Year Old Virgin"? I'm tired of seeing you all over my media posessions already! --SEX RELATED STUFF-- www.blackcuties.com Hotties, Desperate Desperados, and dumbasses who think they look hot in the nude. --TODAY'S WHAT THE F**K MOMENT GOES TO-- YOUTUBE for ripping off my video for Weapon X's "Asshole Syndrome" song! I know it had clips of Peter Griffin, but the work itself was completely original! Why don't you all just get rid of all the other Family Guy influenced videos on your site as well as mine ya jerks? Oh, I know, that's because they RUN YOUR WEBSITE! Bunch of low life morons, oh the Top Ten Best Stewie moments uploaded by stayathomedad185567 are cool but publicity for an independent rapper is soooo copyright infringement! It's cool though, cause now the video's on my video page of my profile. Check it out... --AND FINALLY...-- I need a beer. It's been two weeks. Fuck a whopper, GET ME A MILLER! And just in case I don't answer the phone, it's been nice talking to you, take care. --Expirasin

Desperate Thinking: The Recipe for Syndrome

19 Feb 2008

Desperate Thinking: The Recipe for Syndrome Current mood: artistic Category: Blogging (What I'd look like as a girl, if not worse...Thanks to CJ for this...) So what the fuck's been going on you ask? I ditched two blogs in the past four days because for one, I got interrupted by fam who had to use the computer, and second, the next I attempted was so personal even I myself had to go "Holy shit that's not appropiate at all". So this is what's going through my mind right about now. I'm honestly going to spit my guts out but at the same time keep the personal bashing to an exclusive minimum. Let's see if I can create wholesome goodness and pain at the same time. --WORK-- I got the "Fun With Dick and Jane" wake up call at my interview, or session rather, for Exxon on Friday. All I needed was a valid ID and to tell the recruiter where I wanted to work and that was it. Funny thing, when I offered to show my portfolio, he looked at me like I was crazy and said "I don't need to see that". First time THAT'S ever happened. Should be getting a call by Monday. And when did they start doing job recruitments at La Quinta Inn? I did a drug test in a preliminary whorehouse and to me that doesn't sound very sanitary. --FAMILY-- My nephew is a ton and a half. My sister showed me just how much she cared today by taking me to Lunch and to the mall with a little spending money as well. I always forget how much I mean to the people I love its actually painful. It's like I have popularity ADD or something. Sadaam Hussein was a known badass but at least he loved his family. Sometimes I forget to be a son and a brother, and act like a work associate. Maybe its an ego problem. --SOCIAL-- Shout out goes to Zoe Alonzo for hitting ME up with a Friend Request the past week or so!!! Welcome to Myspace boy! It's good to know you're alive and kicking! And for those who don't know Zoe, he's Bailey Magnet Class of 2004 alumni!! Also on the Friends List. Also shouts go to Huff, who came back from nowhere to cause more bodily harm to your mind. He should be in the H section of my friend list to see him. --POLITICS-- Am I the only brother who doesn't want to see Barack Obamammogram as the president? And come election time, do I really have to retort to John McCain? This election SUCKS now. You just might have to count me out of this one. COLBERT '08 --POP CULTURE-- Now that all those benefits have come through, its about time I joined the WGA as well as those Hollywood bastards. I need some mother frickin' benefits. How about some medical insurance for carpul tunnel syndrome or however you spell it. See? I can't even spell right cause mi hanns won* leh may. --MUSIC-- So not only is Soulja Boy horrible, but I noticed he stole the line from his latest song "Yaaaa!" from another southern independent rapper. And when I find his name, you bet I'll be complaining here. I have to admit I enjoyed the Dog the Nigger Hunter and Hillary Clinton impersonations. Hey Soulja Boy, remember you're a role model now for today's youth. I don't care what cool reference you make to it, there's nothing cool about being famous and having bad grades. Don't make it seem cool, and we won't have to worry about not having any doctors or scientists to carry the earth in the next 20 years. --SECRETS-- A certain lady in my local area is the object of my attention right now, but she'll never know it because she doesn't read my blog. Hey Valet Lady? We should have dinner sometime. My sister was right, I do set my standards too high. --JOKE-- I saw a bunch of white kids at the mall today. One of them had a Coke in his hand and was laughing happily. I thought to myself "Hey, he must really like Coke." So I got a Coke Zero and walked around the mall, frowning, hoping someone would see me and say "Man, he must really like Pepsi." --PLANS-- Expect a new myspace layout for Weapon X in two weeks. Expect me to take my written drivers test in the next three weeks. Expect me to finally invest my time in a script that I, I, I, I want to do and not what I SUPPORT (I.E. Nada and Yenny). Although work on those two will continue as planned. Expect a Desperate Thinking website by July 5th. That's my play nephew EJ's birthday. Expect my health to get worse and my mind to get better. Hey, it could happen to you too. Expect me to visiting LA and moving to ATL. The reason why in another session... Yep, I think I covered a good core. Hope you enjoyed... --Expirasin

Desperate Thinking: Archived

05 Feb 2008

Desperate Thinking: Before My Work Out Current mood: envious Category: Writing and Poetry No real introduction necessary. Just letting my body hydrate again from all that beer before I start the routine. Let's get it popping. By the way, at the bottom of today's article, is my vote for president. So what's the ratio of one giant success? A piece of crud of course! I'm not sure how much weight I've lost since Januarary, but I'm looking and feeling better than ever and that's fine with me. I need more weights on my dumbbell, that's my only complaint. I was going to make this here a video blog about my top ten favorite internet quotes so far, but I canned it. Hope you guys enjoyed what I've been posting, as little as it is. I've got lots of work to do before finding new employment. Next up will probably be a new song or parody. Probably the song. Will it be "Cream" or something else? You'll have to wait. For those who didn't catch on, "Twisted Nerve" is sampled from "Twisted Nerve" off of Kill Bill Vol. 1. 2nd best Tarantino movie ever. For all of those who have lost from the recent weather conditions we all have endured recently, I hold my wishes for a fast recovery. I have this dying feeling that I lost my job opportunity as a Baby Photographer… because I'm a man. For those who don't know the story, I went on an interview for this particular job along with a woman and I can't help but feel that despite my professionalism (And reputation), the risk of hiring a man for this job (Can you spell possible sex offender?) could be my downfall. Sucks ass doesn't it? Shout out goes to Brandy for visiting me at home today!! Whut up girl? Memphis is getting better, but I still want to go to California. If my cousin Demetrius goes to college here, then I'll stay longer to help him with his writing. But otherwise, I've got like six months at the most. In celebration of me getting a new cell phone tomorrow, I'm revealing my phone number right here out to the public. It's 901-238-7965. Spread the news… call and I'll slice your ear off and send it to an Art Gallery. --Expirasin

Desperate Thinking: Archived

Desperate Thinking: Fuckmandamn
Current mood: breezy
Category: Blogging

Desperate Thinking time once again kiddies…

I didn't really want to do one of these, but by request on this very day, I said "What the hell? I guess it wouldn't hurt." And now we have ten sessions of spontaneous behavior. Let's see what happens…

1. As some of you may know, rapper Nas has a new album coming out called "Nigger". I have had the pleasure of hearing this album mentally, and here is my review: FUCK THAT NIGGER-ASS ALBUM. We get it Grandpa Nas, we fucked up. Could you leave us alone already?

2. What did I tell you? Britney completed Phase 1 of my predictions for 2008. Did you see the way she stormed on those bitch-ass photographers at the airport? Keep pushing her, that's all I have to say.

3. Being a writer, this is a little strange but let me say it anyway. This writer's strike is getting on my nerve. No, I'm not missing any shows; you're talking to a guy who has to watch a particular cartoon episode over eight times before he gets sick of it. I'm tired of the attention shows without writers are getting for airing on TV regardless of who's not writing the scripts. If SNL goes back on the air without its writers I might just kill myself. Then again, the writers on that show are so bad it might be a good thing. You too, MadTV.

4. Judging by the progress of the new Wu-Tang album, could someone tell the clan that pointing fingers for being jipped over the years isn't going to roll in that paper? I suggest a new coalition with Ghostface, U-God, Method Man and a newcomer of their choice called Wu-cifer, or Digital Murk (Kill RZA).

5. Watch my boy Weapon X's new video "Asshole Syndrome" off his upcoming album "Portrait of a Starving Artist" at www.youtube.com/expirasin

6. Hmmm, five sessions and all I'm talking about is pop culture. There must be something good going on in my life right now or something's horribly wrong. What could be going on in my life that I could be upset with…..?

7. Well, after seeing a particular friend's new photo uploads, I wish I could've met with her in Memphis during Christmas season like I wanted, instead of spending so much time in Jackson like I did. My apologies, you know who you are.

8. I'm tired of my fucking cell phone being cut off.

9. As an effort to bring about new changes in my life this year, I've been thinking about blind dating. Sounds like fun I guess, whatever. I've seen the show so many damn times I should know a few things by now. I DID indeed say I would try to win someone's heart as I recall.

10. Trinidad vs. Jones? My money's on Trinidad by KO. This will be Jones's last fight no doubt with all due respect.

Oh well, I tried. Hope you enjoyed.

--Nari "Expirasin" Ponder

Desperate Thinking: Archived

09 Jan 2008

Desperate Thinking: Only as good as the words you type Current mood: content Category: Blogging Hello again my people, I assume you've been wondering what Expirasin has been up to lately, well here's the big answer: I've been organizing. I've been organizing time and energy out of the day to be a better person. Not because of the New Year, but because from what I read on my ID, I'm a full-fledged adult now whether I like it or not. Before this moment, I always used excuses for not calling myself a man. "Oh, I'm not a man because I don't have a house yet! Oh I'm not grown, I still watch cartoons!" No my friend, I am now the edge of my generation. My personality is sealed permanently. My bloodline is written in constant chapters. I have my flaws, advantages, and I must look out for me before anyone else because no one else cares about me the way I do. People mention me, people admire me, people notice me, but no one can PRIORITIZE ME. Only I can do that. Needless to say, with all that's been going on, I am quite content. I have nothing upsetting me to the point where I want to kill someone, and I am calmly watching the day unfold as I eat French fries and microwave burritos. So I'd like to dedicate this Desperate Thinking to what's been making me happy, and what could probably make you happy as well. Enjoy. 1. Susanna J's Default Pic—I can't help it, and I'll be the first to say it: That Fiery Girl is hot. Check my Top Friends to see it. 2. Seeing a Slayer song on that Guitar Hero game. I wouldn't even touch the game because I didn't want to mess up such a classic song such as "Raining Blood". Although my favorite this month is "South of Heaven" 3. Catching up lost time with my nephew Kyle. I wasn't there when he was born, I missed all opportunities for birthdays, and missed just about everything else kids are supposed to do that is considered cute. So what does my sister do? She brings him to ME! Job well done, big sis! Now only if he could call me Uncle instead of Nari. Oh well, I shouldn't be mad, I don't even call my biological father Dad. 4. Finishing "Fist of the Porn Star". The whole moment itself was priceless. Fuck you if the volume's too low to you. If I had stayed in Memphis and worked my ass off, that never would've happened. I'd rather be broke and happy than to have money with no one to share it with. And there's more where that came from. 5. Realizing Light Beer isn't all that bad. Well, Miller Lite anyway. FUCK YOU BUDWEISER!!! Shit tastes like wheat bread and water!!!! 6. Getting a used Nintendo 64 for Christmas. I deserved it, and nothing more. Although my little brother gave me a NY money clip. What an inside joke THAT was. 7. My sister's new man, Marvin. He's a pleasant soul with a peaceful disposition, and I enjoy his company. A little loud at times, but that's nothing to be hateful of. It is simply something you grow to love. And if my sis loves it I love it even more. 8. Trish's newfound progress at her long awaited dream of becoming a pro wrestler. She's been training like hot cakes! Get that knee back in shape Juvi! You'll be dropkicking bitches by May! 9. My man Weapon X having his debut CD release in late January! I'll drink to that anytime! I should be working on the Family Guy video yes, but this was mandatory Fred. You know how blog fever is. 10. The Yenny script progress is doing wonderful, and "The Secret of Nada" finally has a promising storyline. 11. I'm happy to be breathing fruit, eating time, watching light, and shitting shit. I don't think it gets much better than this. Now only if the cell phone was back on… --Expirasin

Desperate Thinking: Archived

14 Dec 2007

Desperate Thinking: Guys just wanna have satisfaction... Current mood: breezy Category: Life Well, it looks like I'm in the right frame of mind again. Damn it took long enough. Judging by my last blog I must have been either extremely tense or extremely lonely. Either way, I'm ready for almost anything right about now. My apologies to all that read the last installment. In roughly five days I will be hitting the big 22 years old. I guess this is the age where men are supposed to know where they're going with their lives and women are supposed to guide them through it but I'm not quite on that level. But I do know that the life I'm living now isn't what I want to be known for when I hit the grave. Being a famous writer isn't quite laps of luxury right about now (See Stephen King's last movie and the Writer's Strike for more info). I'm not saying I don't want to write anymore, hell no. I'm saying there's more that needs to be said to my life than writing that's all. Now on with the show… This blog will be based upon the New Year of 2008. The New Year is my favorite time of the year and rather than make this an entry on what my resolutions are, I will make predictions of what is to come in the year. Whether it be about myself or others, you'll have yet to see. The last time I did this I predicted Bill O' Reilly's infidelity and Ludacris's dissing him, not to mention Halle Berry settling down with a white man. Let's see how I take it this time... My sister and nephew will be moving in Memphis next month and I'm pretty sure my nephew will be breaking the TV and/ or valuable computer equipment of mine. At around spring time or so, I'll be moving to California. This will not be a move favored by my family or friends, but it will be for all the right reasons. Some may see it as a bad decision, but I clearly remember my mother going to CA when she was 22 and I am destined to do the same. It's just one of those things you think of doing. I think this year there will finally be a missing little girl that is not of Caucasian descent whom there will be a worldwide search for. Kind of like the little Madeline girl. Aside from a near overload, the internet will be supervised, rated, and nearly controlled by the US government. Those who want to view previously unrated material must pay AT&T and Comcast extra by at least 10 percent. Barack Obama just might become Democratic candidate for president. I'll oppose his plan at first (Like I am now), but come election time I'll say "Either him or the other guy" and vote for him. The other guy will win. Total Nonstop Action Wrestling will place various programs head to head with that of WWE programming, hence the true return of the pro wrestling TV war battle. I have this dying feeling that I'm going to lose a member of the family and will not be able to make the funeral. Either that or it will be my first funeral. I get a driver's license. Seriously! I'm not playing this time. Okay, that's more like a resolution I guess. And in celebrity news, Britney Spears will beat the shit out of a fan for getting too close. Her paparazzi onslaught will greatly decline. There will finally be a women's boxing event sponsored by my site Boxeogirls.com. Either that or I finish both of my scripts in development. There you go. Later. --Expirasin, the dirty Southpaw.

Desperate Thinking: Archived

15 Nov 2007

Desperate Thinking: Expirasin’s Plahouse of Depression Current mood: blank Category: Writing and Poetry WARNING: EXPIRASIN IS NOT IN HIS RIGHT STATE OF MIND. THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS EXPLICIT AND CONFUSED BEHAVIOR AND OBSESSION. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK... Let's face it. These past two months have been the worst in my life since January. As a human being I have no choice but to complain about it because its my life and this is the only way I can intelligently interpret my feelings. I'm not 100% fresh in the mind and my spirits can only be blamed on one thing… But before we do that, let's play a game. Remember Pee-Wee's Playhouse? Well, for every entry included here there will be a secret word. When you see the secret word (FALL), look through your nearest window, and extend your middle finger… let's play. I hate fall. FUCK fall. This season is so unsure of what it wants to do it makes me sick! The holidays are getting dryhumped by the hour (Have you seen all the mentions of the holidays this year, instead of Thanksgiving?). Did you see Halloween? Poor kids are afraid of even going for candy without getting fucked or kidnapped. Last fall, I took the bus to Jackson, MS (Like I have for four years now) and planned on spending Thanksgiving with the entire family I had grown to love. Thought it would be like the holiday stereotype everyone weeps to, but it wasn't. No roundtables no prayer no family carrying on, none of that. The food was on the stove for anyone to eat when they wanted it, and I don't even know who carved the goddamn turkey. Don't get me wrong, I hate family gatherings with a passion. Every family gathering I ever had with my blood family, there was always a point where I was the ass of all jokes or at least one good joke. No one ever wants shit, they ask you how's school, what are you gonna do with your life (No one ever knows that fucking answer), and people slob all over the next generation of bitches, bastards, and assholes. I'm not saying that to mock my family, but you never know who's going to take the fall when they're not around. Perhaps little ol' Nari? Maybe its just me, but I'm wondering just what the holidays are going to stand for if there are no adults around to say "Okay kids, this is what family should be like because we need to stick together sometimes." In my head I think I'm just paranoid but I hope I can see a family this year that happily takes Thanksgiving into their own hands. It may just lie in the path of my own family and I'm just too stubborn to join them. Ignorance is bliss isn't it? BTW, fuck fall. Enough holiday ranting, no one cares about that. Let's fall back on something else, how about emotion? If you must know, my love life has taken a fall since 2005. Its taken a lot of patience to willfully sacrifice love or the hunt for love just so you can achieve your dreams. But in the end, what dreams can you possibly have? I want everyone out there to know that I am officially tired of working to make my dreams come true without having anyone to share it with. I'm tired of having only my male friends to complain to (You know who you guys are). I am now going to fight to achieve the dream of gaining someone else's love. But why? The reason is simply because of motivation and fear. A man is meant to be a hunter. I'm not saying as in "deer" hunter, but a man has to want something in order to have what we call a meaningful life. Substituting a want for a woman with a want for depressants (Alcohol, drugs, denial, fall, etc.) is wrong and I've been using it for years. I need someone to give me the motivation to want their love, and to put the fear of God into my eyes if I fuck it up. Girls, you know why that guy you crave up and down for doesn't want you? You wanna know the BIG reason? It's because he sees you're weak for him. Some guys will ignore you for it, others will use you and HURT you for it. Even I myself ended up in this situation as the hunted, but I at least had the heart to remain a loyal friend to that person to this day and I wouldn't have it any other way because she's a beautiful woman. But let me ask you something… Do you know how good it would feel to lend your hand to someone who really needed it? Someone who would be able to break a hole in the Hoover Dam, but only if you could actually tell him "I want to help you knock the shit out of that dam?" I'm not saying he couldn't do it without you, but you know what? He can't. He can try all he wants to do it without you, he can make all the excuses in the world, but it will only lead up to his down fall. And no one wants to see demise at the hands of love. It's too damn sad. (Play even harder: Can you spot the entries where I didn't put the secret word?) --Nari Sherod Ponder, AKA Expirasin

Desperate Thinking: Archived

10 Nov 2007

Spoken Word poetry... written out? Current mood: lonely Category: I haven’t felt like this in months Writing and Poetry Those who know me know that I am not usually a fan of what they call "Spoken Word style" poetry. My opinion for this particular culture cannot be put into gentle words at times, and I usually find myself in moods of hysteria or feel obligated to pull away from it whenever it is mentioned. But over the course of the week I've come around a conflict that involves either me following what my former mentor taught me, or to pull into the trap that so many people slip into: The claim that people don't like what they don't understand. I don't like to keep secrets of myself. I think its disgusting nowadays. If I'm going to speak, I want to be understood. That way I can dig deeper to be misunderstood all over again. So it would be degrading of me to seek the respect of another while keeping a secret all at the same time, FUCK THAT. Get it over with… if you become a better man for it, mission accomplished. If not, carry on. So without further a due, here is my shot at spoken word poetry. "I need a lift" by Expirasin Excuse me, sorry to interrupt I didn't mean to intrude on whatever you're doing its just You see, I need a ride, it won't take long I promise I don't have much to pay you back except a few things I got a few dollars from work left around, sorry its crumpled up What? I can keep it? Thank you so much You see I need to get to Satisfaction It's a nice little place that shouldn't be too far from here I've been trying to get there myself by walking But as you can see by the sweat I'm really tired Tired of searching, tired of going in circles Tired of the pain… Tired of going down the road with high hopes Only to see one thing Trees, and people passing you by in their nice cars with others Tagged along All I want to do is have some accomplishment And to say that I got there without the help of anyone else But I always find myself in these situations In these boring situations without anyone else And I'm getting nowhere I'm beginning to feel there's no place to go at all That every direction just leads back home And no one makes it to satisfaction I was just thinking of going back home myself Until I saw your car I noticed you don't have anyone riding shotgun May I? May I step inside your car for a ride? Maybe we can both reach satisfaction Together What's that? Oh, this isn't your car? May I ask who does it belong to? Your boyfriend? Oh… You're just out to pick up your kid from day care, huh? Wow, that would explain the car seat Yeah, thanks anyway I understand Thanks for stopping anyway Bye Shit... See? That wasn't hard. Spoken word isn't so bad I guess. Now maybe I can shut the fuck up and have some respect for it. Thank you for understanding.