Desperate Thinking: This isn't right. This isn't fucking right

Desperate Thinking: This isn’t right... this isn’t fucking right
Category: Blogging

1. This isn't right, I was supposed to be writing the pitch to an animated series I had in mind. One I could possibly have greenlit by the one network I'd gladly give up my balls for and Ted Turner wouldn't give a flying fuck if I did, Cartoon Network.

2. Instead, after telling myself "You can't sell it if you don't write it" a thousand times for motivation, I go to toonzone.net for news only to find the worst news has come. Yes, anime heads, Toonami has been cancelled. They've canned the only TV block that has saved their ass from the fryer for the past 10 years...

2. And this is the fucker that killed it.

Look at him, he even looks like a murderer. This fag isn't even familiar with cartoons. He works with Sci-Fi network and is responsible for their REALITY series line. He lives in Burbank, CA. Cartoon Network's base is in Georgia! Yes, there is such thing as a plane, but he doesn't care about the cause. He just wants a fucking paycheck. For proof, see the new Star Wars cartoon and
Total Drama Island. Hell, look at the Secret Saturdays.
Fuck, look at Cartoon Network now!

3. Yes, I have two friends close to me who have lost both family and friends, but this is my funeral. Anyone who knows me knows last year I was head over heels happy about "El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera", and Kids WB lasting longer than its own fucking network, now they're both gone. Toonami wasn't always my fruit in a basket, but it served a purpose and it lived UP to it.

4. When I was nine years old in Virgina Beach, I used to go home from a humiliating day of school known as the boy who would throw up lunch all the time, and watch "SUPER ADVENTURES", a two hour block composed of old superhero classics like Herculoids and Johnny Quest, and montages that should've given me my first seizure before dinner could be cooked. It was fun, simple, and it was a gift to me. Anything that wasn't homework or peers could've been a gift at that time. I wouldn't have had it any other way because Power Rangers only lasted so long on broadcast.

5. Needless to say, Toonami came around over a year later. It wasn't American-based, like Super Adventures, but it was at least hosted by Moltar, a villian of one of my favorites, Space Ghost. Don't get excited, all he did was pull some fucking levers. I didn't like a lot of the shows either. There was Gundam Wing, Thundercats, and V-Force I think. Everything had changed and I didn't know why. But at least I knew what the point was-- Space was the place, and Moltar was going to lead me the way... so I watched.

6. It took a while for Toonami to make sense. Or to have a show that made you remember it. But when it did (Dragonball Z) I watched it like my life depended on it. I would spend more time watching Toonami than I would talking to my great Grandmother. She's the one who even got me into cartoons! Off away from the trenches of Northwest Junior High, onward the trails of 3949 Country Club Dr., hiding beyond the mental and emotional abuse of my uncle Ricky... WE... HAVE... GOKU!!!! Or my personal fave, Piccolo.

7.


8. I'm not asking for the good ol' days, no, I have YouTube for that. But I would gladly give up a handful of my family members (If you have the decency to read this, its definitely not you) so I could get another year of Kids WB or El Tigre or Toonami, or just to have that feeling that I'm getting a gift out of watching what's pulled me up and made my life worthwhile this whole twenty or so years.

9. If you think I'm taking this too far, I don't blame you. It is silly that I'm making a TV block seem like the premise of my life. I'm only 22, Toonami's only been around like what, 11 years? I mean seriously! What's half of my life mean anyway? There will be other programs, more blocks hopefully, but chances are those won't be worthwhile. We're in a zone right now where not only our politics are inane, but the line between happiness, death, and success are all too visible. I'm a writer. Always have been since age 9. Thought I had a God-given gift, but knew nothing about the skill needed to achieve fulfillment of reputation until a much later age. Entertainment is struggling to achieve, and it can't do shit without corporation sponsorship. I guess its like clinging for pleasure from a Barbie doll made in a Chinese sweatshop. And here in this little surburban home, I don't have shit except for this computer and a few other necessities from my past I still make use of. How am I supposed to fulfill that success I have long since been dreaming of...?

10.

Desperate Thinking: The DTA's

Current mood: awake
Category: Blogging

I'm considering myself lucky today, because if it weren't for the Chinese food I'd be ready to go to sleep after a relatively boring Sunday. The only entertainment I had before the fortune cookie was Rodney Dangerfield jokes and some god-forsaken game show on Fox where people pretend to be Tetris shapes. Yep, the US continues to emulate the Japanese horribly. But it could be worse, could've been on ABC.

Anyway, the MSG from the over fried noodles lead me to thinking "Hey, the VMA awards was today so why don't I dedicate my own awards article for videos?? Sounds like a pretty dandy idea, right? Well regardless of what your opinion is, I'm doing it and I'd be glad if you came to join me on my incredible adventure. But one random thought before we start…

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I BRING TO YOU, THE DTVA2: DESPERATE THINKING VIDEO AWARDS ARTICLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also shout out to the new World Champs, Chris Jericho… and Melissa Hernandez.





The I WANT TO KILL YOU AWARD GOES TO…
Lil' Wayne!!!!
For what: Destroying Hip Hop's credibility…
RUNNER UP: TI, for just being T.I.


The BEST SKETCH COMEDY OF THE YEAR SO FAR GOES TO…
IFH Mondays
Why: That shit's still funny to me, besides I hate those party restaurants cause the alcohol's lame.
RUNNER UP: A Tie between Man in the Box and anything by Asa Thibodaux.


The VIDEO I KNOW YOU HAVEN'T SEEN YET AWARD GOES TO…
Lorenagade and Anarchious—Pull Out
Why: The song's not the best, but I love the fucking effort these guys put in it.
RUNNER UP: Sneezing Panda (Extreme version) By MyWayEntertainment


The FUCK YOU AWARD GOES TO…
anything you see on YouTube's front page, yep.
Why: You know why.

The CAC (Classic and Cheap) AWARD GOES TO…
The Marvel / DC Parodies!!!
Why: The value of these videos are more costly than the toys themselves.


The SHUT UP AND TAKE IT OFF ALREADY AWARD GOES TO…
Shelley Martinez!
Why: Watch and be pissed.


The WELL ON YOUR WAY AWARD GOES TO:
Fred Salimi, AKA Weapon X!!!
Why: His Ultimate Warrior videos will lead him to stardom… maybe.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

The SERIOUSLY, I ALMOST WENT TO SLEEP ON THIS AWARD GOES TO:
John McCain!!!!!!
Why: If it weren't for the hyped up crowd, I would've turned it off when he started going, "My friends…"



The THROWBACK, NOT SO MUCH AWARD GOES TO:
The Black Cat in the Hat!!!
Why: The Car door scene is fucking hilariously on my level!!!


The METAPHOR or FANTASY VIOLENCE MADE CUTE AWARD GOES TO: Kate Micucci's Dear Deer!!
Why: Because I can't stop kissing Kate's ass, okay?


The MOVIE I STILL WON'T WATCH BECAUSE I STILL THINK VAL KILMER IS THE BEST BATMAN AND I DON'T WANT TO RUIN THAT AWARD goes to:
The Dark Fucking Knight!!!
Why: Because I'm weak and I hate the truth, okay????



Well, everyone… I hope you enjoyed the awards show, and if you didn't watch all the videos I understand. Of course, I hope you did because for a lot of people, this attempt at viral internet classics stuff is really hard and to only get like 400 views for your work is really similar to a monkey throwing his feces at you while you're visiting the zoo. Take care everyone.


--Expirasin

Desperate Thinking: The Stubborn Discipline of Prince Sherod

Current mood: bouncy
Category: Writing and Poetry

Well, well, well… the Desperate Thinker suddenly has another blog up his sleeve. Fortunately for you, today's entry is truthfully a desperate entry for once. If by the grace of physics you were able to actually walk a mile in my shoes this month, you'd be struggling to write on myspace too. Hell, you might not even want to be near a computer. Nonetheless, I made a promise to myself to continue this blog.

Sorry to keep you waiting if you're a diehard fan.

-1-

My bud Chris wrote an entry stating she was 'giving up' on her animation project because of my desire to better myself as a screenwriter and lack of updating the short film script she asked me to develop and write. Personally, I had no idea it had been so long since I worked on it. So Chris, I'm going to tell you what I told Dave Alvarez: One of us has a day job, and its NOT me. If you want an update, pay me. Since you're a good friend I'll charge $40 for 15 pages. Until then, I'll update when I see fit to.

-2-

Anyone out there notices the new blonde do of mine? Pretty hot I say! I was just bored in Jackson, MS watching TV and all of a sudden "BLONDE HAIR! THAT'S PERFECT!" My aunt thought it was gay, and a gay stockperson at the gas station thought I should've got something darker, but it's a start…

-3-

Shout out goes to Cici and Gus for inviting your boy to the Peabody Hotel to party the other week. Overpriced beer and a beautiful view (Not to mention meeting someone on myspace who looks better than their picture) is really satisfying.

-4-

I'd like to shed a little light on why I stay in Jackson, MS so much. 95% of why is because of my bro from another mo Otha. But the people in this run-down ass city are the most delightful characters you may ever lay your eyes upon. The children have some of the most embarrassing education privileges available. The southern comfort can be mistaken for stupidity if you don't take the time to know some of the people, but the people who are unmistakingly stupid are real self-esteem boosters.

-5-

What do you do when two well-dressed, shapely Jehovah Witnesses arrive at your door trying to spread their word of God? Get Uncanned Heat to scare them off!

LADY: Hello young man.

NARI: Hi, how are you?

LADY: We're here to spread the, uh, word of Jehovah…

NARI: I don't understand—

LADY: Basically we're, uh, Jehovah's Witnesses.

NARI: Well I'm a Muslim so I don't know how that would help your cause. I wish I could help you somehow.

OTHA: Yeah, and I don't know how to read!!

LADY: Well could I just give you a pamphlet talking about what we're about?

NARI: Oh, that sounds interesting! We don't have to pay for it do we?

OTHA: I know I won't need to read it!

LADY: It's free. (She hands me a pamphlet with a white man showing off a bird to his family.)

OTHA: Daddy?! (Points to the white man) Is that my daddy?!

NARI: That DOES look like Mr. Kelly doesn't it? Wow!

OTHA: And whose that woman he's with?!

LADY: Alright, sorry for interrupting you all, bye.

Quickly after that, these two broads haul ass off the steps! That's what they get for coming in so damn early…

-6-

I've finally realized that being afraid to ask for things is truly one of my dumbest traits, and the one trait I need to drop more than anything else. Last week, I felt too stubborn to ask for a damn plate of food last week while fam was cleaning the kitchen up, so I stayed stuck in my room hungry, choosing not to eat or even take my drowsy-ass medicine. In my head I thought I was being strong and would eventually be doing myself a favor. But my body was tired and worried, begging for a chance to be filled. So the entire day I starved myself through until 8 pm. Once the kitchen was clean, I angrily ran in and fixed a cold can of Chef Boyardee and breakfast leftovers.

-7-

Devouring the bowl, I got a call from Weapon X, asking for my help exposing a poser on an internet forum. The kid had basically gone online talking noise like he was the next David Banner but was straight outta the Vanilla Ice Training Kit Club, and X needed the wretched song of his past to embarrass his ass. I rushed to the computer to send the song, and while staring at the screen, trying to get to the right website, not giving a care about the world one bit…

… I wake up in the back of an ambulance…damn, this looks familiar… must've had another seizure… after a year and a half of freedom.

-8-

Don't get me wrong, I've had four seizures in the past, and have yet to care about any of them. But none had been in front of people I love, only strangers. Now take that and just imagine, most of everyone there at the time had never even seen someone have a seizure before, a lot of people in the neighborhood even thought I was dead and were ready to spread their condolences along with the hopes of becoming Otha's new best friend.

-9-

Let me state this a little more from the heart: The one thing that drives me to be the best friend I can be is discipline. I call on phone everyday when I'm not around. I keep my hands to myself at all costs despite ANY temptation of flesh (Let's face it, Otha's sisters are hot). I give my respect to the elders of the family each and every day and thank them beyond reason for their permission to stay in their home to visit their son because right now it's the greatest gift I've ever received next to the gift of seeing another day. So I feel like no one should be exposed to my ultimate inherited weakness and what may soon become my downfall…

-10-

… But when I woke up bloodied and bruised from seizure damage, barely able to walk, broken nose and all, and Otha was telling me how he held me in his arms as I stopped breathing, and almost beat up the paramedic for making a stereotypical joke…

PARAMEDIC: Alright everyone, don't worry no one's been SHOT…

OTHA: What the FUCK?!!

PHOEBE: Just ignore him, Dumpa!

… that makes me feel like all that pushing to be my absolute best was for nothing. I don't usually treat my blood family like a true Bob Saget, but anyone from that tree will be the first to tell you I treat people with the utmost respect while still staying true to oneself at all times. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't like to be a bother to people. So knowing that I needed help with my life in the balance makes me feel helpless.

But isn't that the reason we have friends in the first place?

P_ce,

Expirasin

Desperate Worries

Desperate Worries...
Current mood: awake
Category: Blogging

JOHN HAINES R.I.P.

I'm a little out of it today. I heard of John Haine's passing a few days ago but I didn't really give a damn since we weren't friends. Sure, we shared a couple laughs but we never bonded the way I did with Christina, Brandon or Anson. Nevertheless the death was a shocker. But then I found it was via suicide. Now I'm just mind struck with thought.

This isn't the first time someone I known personally has passed, but damnit this isn't the first run I've had centered around suicide and the depths of that Technical shitbag of a college they call ITT either. Most of all the associates and friends I had at the time have either been unemployed, short-gigged, trying to go BACK TO SCHOOL FOR THE SAME SUBJECT, or just plain fucked at one time or another since graduation.

Example: C. Brooks. Most talented artist I've seen in years. Not to mention a kick-ass computer animator. She graduated nearly at the top of the class with art that would make you shit your pants if they weren't Depends. But has she been given a job that spawns her creativity since graduation? Hell no she's racking boxes at FedEx. Now before you say "Nari, we all have to start somewhere", how can you start if you're too tired to do what you love every time you come home? Every day she has to pay money for student loans along with living in a shit neighborhood with family hardships.

And God knows where I'm headed. No I'm not worried that I have no car or job right now. I'm fucked over probability. I was in good health ready to kick ass by the time I got out of High School only to have my first seizure at ITT by 19 years old (And four more afterwards). My biological father had epilepsy as well. My older half is bipolar. They've worked through it well over the years, no doubt. But think of this: People say I'm most like my "older half". I have epilepsy like my old man. Dig this, people with neurological disorders (like epilepsy) are 22% more likely to get depression than those without it. Do you know how much biploar has already affected me?

And yes of course what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I've put up with a lot of shit over time and came out on top (Or at least survived) over the years and shock myself at the fact I'm still breathing after swallowing all those aspirins back when I was 16. But the same way that men end up cheating when their wives continuously accuse them of it, the same way I feel I may be climbing up that steep hill of craziness, JUST BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP THINKING OF THE RISK OF ME SUFFERING MORE FROM IT.

I like to feel I have nothing to worry about since I live in the moment. Most likely tomorrow I'll be feeling like I own the world and gleefully live off the fat of the land and do as I please, not thinking of the consequences. Writing my scripts or whatever, maybe some graphic design, not pick up my cell phone, burn 200 calories walking just to eat 400 calories of food, do the little things around the house everyone appreciates but no one cares to say thank you for, and think of how nice it would be to have my own cartoon, or to be a cartoon, or an actor, maybe a comedian. Perhaps a wrestling manager, hell maybe a wrestler. Perhaps take up cooking one day, or get enough money for another tattoo. And finally leaving Memphis for California, maybe Georgia. Definitely New York. That way I can be like those cool people at 30 Rock. Not the show, the actual 30 Rockefeller Plaza. Though Alec Baldwin still kicks ass.



Dreams are pretty much the only thing that keeps me sane nowadays. Matter fact, what am I bitching for?! Fuck this world I'm gonna turn to Adult Swim, whack off and hit the sheets with Betty Boop! PEACE!!

Desperate Thinking: Voting for Micucci’s Thickburger Ass

Current mood: awake
Category: Blogging

Man I hope I can do this…

Come on Nari, maintain creative spark…

Deep breath, I think I got it.

Why hello! It's you again! Hello, your name here! How's it going? You don't say… wait! Whatever you're about to say next, shut it and read. It's time for Desperate Thinking.

1. As some of you may notice, I've been a little strung on Kate Micucci lately. She's been really nice to me as of late and for a Hollywood actress doing a movie in Rome that's pretty cool to your boy. To me, the more friends in the 818 the better. Besides, her music really is cool. Also check out RunawayBox.com to see her on "Elevator".
2. Forgive me for not being able to provide footage of this, but I went to central Arkansas for my cousin's college orientation last week. Alas, that part of Arkansas is beautiful!! I was absolutely stunned not only at the beauty of the mountains in that area, but the fact that I've been to Arkansas (Eastern, BTW) several times before and never have I seen such a pretty sight. I guess there really is a GOOD reason they call Arkansas the Natural state. Even the people at the Ramada Inn were good people. That is until the morning we checked out then they ignored us.
3. And after that infamous checkout, kicked in the desire of man and his love for the taste of death. Let me ask you, have you ever had a Hardee's Thickburger? Well the first one I had was the six-dollar burger (Retail: $3.99) when I was 17 or so. That behemoth burger gave me flashbacks of when I couldn't finish a Big Mac at the age of 7 and I started crying like a little bitch about it, asking myself, "WHY CAN'T I FINISH IT? IT'S SOOOO GOOD!" Needless to say, there is no Hardee's in Tennessee, but there was in Arkansas…
4. You may be saying "Nari, quit talking about this damn burger and bring up your sex life so I can feel better about myself already!" Well no I'm not getting laid, and I'm not looking either. There've been some pretty domestic disputes going on with my fam lately and it only makes me happier I'm single. Besides I'm a Sagittarius and I'm pretty one-track minded either way it goes. Happy now?
5. So I get my cousin, brother, and former Stepdad into this one Hardee's in the next 500 mile radius, right? Flippin' incredibly! I didn't order the Six Dollar Burger, instead I order the special Prime Rib burger (I'm sure you've seen the YouTube ads). Man, I KILLED that damn burger! I even finished my brother's cheeseburger! And what made all this so much more special? Why years of suffering with all other mainstream fast food chains that are around the corner wherever you go, of course. See you a Hardee's, get you a burger. Moving on…
6. In an effort to publicize my talents as a writer a little more to the public eye, I've released Act 1 of the first episode to "Posey's Pockets" on my profile. Some may say this isn't the smartest idea in the world, but unlike most staff writers for shows, I didn't go to a big college yet so I'm doing what I can to get by, along with spec scripts in development as quickly as possible.
7. My 30^th Desperate Thinking is coming really soon, this is 28th. I've had some pretty cool suggestions as to what I should do for the entry, and I'm still accepting. One person said I should reflect and plan ahead. Another said I should go around my neighborhood and make friends (Since I hate neighborhoods and people pep talk). Even I myself thought of writing in 30 entries at once. We'll see what happens.
8. Just thought I'd use this space to further accentuate the truth that I hate neighborhoods, hoods, projects, and sometimes even people. But in spite of this I am very humble to people and never intentionally harmful. I've hurt many yes, but in worst way shit does happen and I apologize. I am sorry for and regret nothing.
9. Shout out to my nizza the RZA coming out with another LP this year. I've purchased several of his albums more than several times because I absolutely love his music to the core. It's been about four years since his last, so I hope this one rocks.
10. And for those who have been reading since, I want to tell you I'm voting for Obama. Yes, I'm voting for Barack Obama. The death of Tim Russert at such a timely event that couldn't have been imagined without his presence has told my heart that I should do the right thing. Obama believes in change, and I've finally allowed my ego to change as well. One vote does matter, and the working class needs their share after what we've been through.
11. And for those who have known me before reading since, know that even though millions feel the above is true, the previous entry on my part is completely horse manure. If you don't want skin that's gold VOTE FOR THE OLD!!! HAHAHA!!! But really, did you expect me to support Obama so soon? He better have John Edwards as VP or something!

Just had to add in a little "me" after all that advertising… take care people.

--Expirasin, your TimeKeeper