Desperate Thinking: This isn't right. This isn't fucking right

Desperate Thinking: This isn’t right... this isn’t fucking right
Category: Blogging

1. This isn't right, I was supposed to be writing the pitch to an animated series I had in mind. One I could possibly have greenlit by the one network I'd gladly give up my balls for and Ted Turner wouldn't give a flying fuck if I did, Cartoon Network.

2. Instead, after telling myself "You can't sell it if you don't write it" a thousand times for motivation, I go to toonzone.net for news only to find the worst news has come. Yes, anime heads, Toonami has been cancelled. They've canned the only TV block that has saved their ass from the fryer for the past 10 years...

2. And this is the fucker that killed it.

Look at him, he even looks like a murderer. This fag isn't even familiar with cartoons. He works with Sci-Fi network and is responsible for their REALITY series line. He lives in Burbank, CA. Cartoon Network's base is in Georgia! Yes, there is such thing as a plane, but he doesn't care about the cause. He just wants a fucking paycheck. For proof, see the new Star Wars cartoon and
Total Drama Island. Hell, look at the Secret Saturdays.
Fuck, look at Cartoon Network now!

3. Yes, I have two friends close to me who have lost both family and friends, but this is my funeral. Anyone who knows me knows last year I was head over heels happy about "El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera", and Kids WB lasting longer than its own fucking network, now they're both gone. Toonami wasn't always my fruit in a basket, but it served a purpose and it lived UP to it.

4. When I was nine years old in Virgina Beach, I used to go home from a humiliating day of school known as the boy who would throw up lunch all the time, and watch "SUPER ADVENTURES", a two hour block composed of old superhero classics like Herculoids and Johnny Quest, and montages that should've given me my first seizure before dinner could be cooked. It was fun, simple, and it was a gift to me. Anything that wasn't homework or peers could've been a gift at that time. I wouldn't have had it any other way because Power Rangers only lasted so long on broadcast.

5. Needless to say, Toonami came around over a year later. It wasn't American-based, like Super Adventures, but it was at least hosted by Moltar, a villian of one of my favorites, Space Ghost. Don't get excited, all he did was pull some fucking levers. I didn't like a lot of the shows either. There was Gundam Wing, Thundercats, and V-Force I think. Everything had changed and I didn't know why. But at least I knew what the point was-- Space was the place, and Moltar was going to lead me the way... so I watched.

6. It took a while for Toonami to make sense. Or to have a show that made you remember it. But when it did (Dragonball Z) I watched it like my life depended on it. I would spend more time watching Toonami than I would talking to my great Grandmother. She's the one who even got me into cartoons! Off away from the trenches of Northwest Junior High, onward the trails of 3949 Country Club Dr., hiding beyond the mental and emotional abuse of my uncle Ricky... WE... HAVE... GOKU!!!! Or my personal fave, Piccolo.

7.


8. I'm not asking for the good ol' days, no, I have YouTube for that. But I would gladly give up a handful of my family members (If you have the decency to read this, its definitely not you) so I could get another year of Kids WB or El Tigre or Toonami, or just to have that feeling that I'm getting a gift out of watching what's pulled me up and made my life worthwhile this whole twenty or so years.

9. If you think I'm taking this too far, I don't blame you. It is silly that I'm making a TV block seem like the premise of my life. I'm only 22, Toonami's only been around like what, 11 years? I mean seriously! What's half of my life mean anyway? There will be other programs, more blocks hopefully, but chances are those won't be worthwhile. We're in a zone right now where not only our politics are inane, but the line between happiness, death, and success are all too visible. I'm a writer. Always have been since age 9. Thought I had a God-given gift, but knew nothing about the skill needed to achieve fulfillment of reputation until a much later age. Entertainment is struggling to achieve, and it can't do shit without corporation sponsorship. I guess its like clinging for pleasure from a Barbie doll made in a Chinese sweatshop. And here in this little surburban home, I don't have shit except for this computer and a few other necessities from my past I still make use of. How am I supposed to fulfill that success I have long since been dreaming of...?

10.

Desperate Thinking: The DTA's

Current mood: awake
Category: Blogging

I'm considering myself lucky today, because if it weren't for the Chinese food I'd be ready to go to sleep after a relatively boring Sunday. The only entertainment I had before the fortune cookie was Rodney Dangerfield jokes and some god-forsaken game show on Fox where people pretend to be Tetris shapes. Yep, the US continues to emulate the Japanese horribly. But it could be worse, could've been on ABC.

Anyway, the MSG from the over fried noodles lead me to thinking "Hey, the VMA awards was today so why don't I dedicate my own awards article for videos?? Sounds like a pretty dandy idea, right? Well regardless of what your opinion is, I'm doing it and I'd be glad if you came to join me on my incredible adventure. But one random thought before we start…

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I BRING TO YOU, THE DTVA2: DESPERATE THINKING VIDEO AWARDS ARTICLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also shout out to the new World Champs, Chris Jericho… and Melissa Hernandez.





The I WANT TO KILL YOU AWARD GOES TO…
Lil' Wayne!!!!
For what: Destroying Hip Hop's credibility…
RUNNER UP: TI, for just being T.I.


The BEST SKETCH COMEDY OF THE YEAR SO FAR GOES TO…
IFH Mondays
Why: That shit's still funny to me, besides I hate those party restaurants cause the alcohol's lame.
RUNNER UP: A Tie between Man in the Box and anything by Asa Thibodaux.


The VIDEO I KNOW YOU HAVEN'T SEEN YET AWARD GOES TO…
Lorenagade and Anarchious—Pull Out
Why: The song's not the best, but I love the fucking effort these guys put in it.
RUNNER UP: Sneezing Panda (Extreme version) By MyWayEntertainment


The FUCK YOU AWARD GOES TO…
anything you see on YouTube's front page, yep.
Why: You know why.

The CAC (Classic and Cheap) AWARD GOES TO…
The Marvel / DC Parodies!!!
Why: The value of these videos are more costly than the toys themselves.


The SHUT UP AND TAKE IT OFF ALREADY AWARD GOES TO…
Shelley Martinez!
Why: Watch and be pissed.


The WELL ON YOUR WAY AWARD GOES TO:
Fred Salimi, AKA Weapon X!!!
Why: His Ultimate Warrior videos will lead him to stardom… maybe.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

The SERIOUSLY, I ALMOST WENT TO SLEEP ON THIS AWARD GOES TO:
John McCain!!!!!!
Why: If it weren't for the hyped up crowd, I would've turned it off when he started going, "My friends…"



The THROWBACK, NOT SO MUCH AWARD GOES TO:
The Black Cat in the Hat!!!
Why: The Car door scene is fucking hilariously on my level!!!


The METAPHOR or FANTASY VIOLENCE MADE CUTE AWARD GOES TO: Kate Micucci's Dear Deer!!
Why: Because I can't stop kissing Kate's ass, okay?


The MOVIE I STILL WON'T WATCH BECAUSE I STILL THINK VAL KILMER IS THE BEST BATMAN AND I DON'T WANT TO RUIN THAT AWARD goes to:
The Dark Fucking Knight!!!
Why: Because I'm weak and I hate the truth, okay????



Well, everyone… I hope you enjoyed the awards show, and if you didn't watch all the videos I understand. Of course, I hope you did because for a lot of people, this attempt at viral internet classics stuff is really hard and to only get like 400 views for your work is really similar to a monkey throwing his feces at you while you're visiting the zoo. Take care everyone.


--Expirasin

Desperate Thinking: The Stubborn Discipline of Prince Sherod

Current mood: bouncy
Category: Writing and Poetry

Well, well, well… the Desperate Thinker suddenly has another blog up his sleeve. Fortunately for you, today's entry is truthfully a desperate entry for once. If by the grace of physics you were able to actually walk a mile in my shoes this month, you'd be struggling to write on myspace too. Hell, you might not even want to be near a computer. Nonetheless, I made a promise to myself to continue this blog.

Sorry to keep you waiting if you're a diehard fan.

-1-

My bud Chris wrote an entry stating she was 'giving up' on her animation project because of my desire to better myself as a screenwriter and lack of updating the short film script she asked me to develop and write. Personally, I had no idea it had been so long since I worked on it. So Chris, I'm going to tell you what I told Dave Alvarez: One of us has a day job, and its NOT me. If you want an update, pay me. Since you're a good friend I'll charge $40 for 15 pages. Until then, I'll update when I see fit to.

-2-

Anyone out there notices the new blonde do of mine? Pretty hot I say! I was just bored in Jackson, MS watching TV and all of a sudden "BLONDE HAIR! THAT'S PERFECT!" My aunt thought it was gay, and a gay stockperson at the gas station thought I should've got something darker, but it's a start…

-3-

Shout out goes to Cici and Gus for inviting your boy to the Peabody Hotel to party the other week. Overpriced beer and a beautiful view (Not to mention meeting someone on myspace who looks better than their picture) is really satisfying.

-4-

I'd like to shed a little light on why I stay in Jackson, MS so much. 95% of why is because of my bro from another mo Otha. But the people in this run-down ass city are the most delightful characters you may ever lay your eyes upon. The children have some of the most embarrassing education privileges available. The southern comfort can be mistaken for stupidity if you don't take the time to know some of the people, but the people who are unmistakingly stupid are real self-esteem boosters.

-5-

What do you do when two well-dressed, shapely Jehovah Witnesses arrive at your door trying to spread their word of God? Get Uncanned Heat to scare them off!

LADY: Hello young man.

NARI: Hi, how are you?

LADY: We're here to spread the, uh, word of Jehovah…

NARI: I don't understand—

LADY: Basically we're, uh, Jehovah's Witnesses.

NARI: Well I'm a Muslim so I don't know how that would help your cause. I wish I could help you somehow.

OTHA: Yeah, and I don't know how to read!!

LADY: Well could I just give you a pamphlet talking about what we're about?

NARI: Oh, that sounds interesting! We don't have to pay for it do we?

OTHA: I know I won't need to read it!

LADY: It's free. (She hands me a pamphlet with a white man showing off a bird to his family.)

OTHA: Daddy?! (Points to the white man) Is that my daddy?!

NARI: That DOES look like Mr. Kelly doesn't it? Wow!

OTHA: And whose that woman he's with?!

LADY: Alright, sorry for interrupting you all, bye.

Quickly after that, these two broads haul ass off the steps! That's what they get for coming in so damn early…

-6-

I've finally realized that being afraid to ask for things is truly one of my dumbest traits, and the one trait I need to drop more than anything else. Last week, I felt too stubborn to ask for a damn plate of food last week while fam was cleaning the kitchen up, so I stayed stuck in my room hungry, choosing not to eat or even take my drowsy-ass medicine. In my head I thought I was being strong and would eventually be doing myself a favor. But my body was tired and worried, begging for a chance to be filled. So the entire day I starved myself through until 8 pm. Once the kitchen was clean, I angrily ran in and fixed a cold can of Chef Boyardee and breakfast leftovers.

-7-

Devouring the bowl, I got a call from Weapon X, asking for my help exposing a poser on an internet forum. The kid had basically gone online talking noise like he was the next David Banner but was straight outta the Vanilla Ice Training Kit Club, and X needed the wretched song of his past to embarrass his ass. I rushed to the computer to send the song, and while staring at the screen, trying to get to the right website, not giving a care about the world one bit…

… I wake up in the back of an ambulance…damn, this looks familiar… must've had another seizure… after a year and a half of freedom.

-8-

Don't get me wrong, I've had four seizures in the past, and have yet to care about any of them. But none had been in front of people I love, only strangers. Now take that and just imagine, most of everyone there at the time had never even seen someone have a seizure before, a lot of people in the neighborhood even thought I was dead and were ready to spread their condolences along with the hopes of becoming Otha's new best friend.

-9-

Let me state this a little more from the heart: The one thing that drives me to be the best friend I can be is discipline. I call on phone everyday when I'm not around. I keep my hands to myself at all costs despite ANY temptation of flesh (Let's face it, Otha's sisters are hot). I give my respect to the elders of the family each and every day and thank them beyond reason for their permission to stay in their home to visit their son because right now it's the greatest gift I've ever received next to the gift of seeing another day. So I feel like no one should be exposed to my ultimate inherited weakness and what may soon become my downfall…

-10-

… But when I woke up bloodied and bruised from seizure damage, barely able to walk, broken nose and all, and Otha was telling me how he held me in his arms as I stopped breathing, and almost beat up the paramedic for making a stereotypical joke…

PARAMEDIC: Alright everyone, don't worry no one's been SHOT…

OTHA: What the FUCK?!!

PHOEBE: Just ignore him, Dumpa!

… that makes me feel like all that pushing to be my absolute best was for nothing. I don't usually treat my blood family like a true Bob Saget, but anyone from that tree will be the first to tell you I treat people with the utmost respect while still staying true to oneself at all times. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't like to be a bother to people. So knowing that I needed help with my life in the balance makes me feel helpless.

But isn't that the reason we have friends in the first place?

P_ce,

Expirasin

Desperate Worries

Desperate Worries...
Current mood: awake
Category: Blogging

JOHN HAINES R.I.P.

I'm a little out of it today. I heard of John Haine's passing a few days ago but I didn't really give a damn since we weren't friends. Sure, we shared a couple laughs but we never bonded the way I did with Christina, Brandon or Anson. Nevertheless the death was a shocker. But then I found it was via suicide. Now I'm just mind struck with thought.

This isn't the first time someone I known personally has passed, but damnit this isn't the first run I've had centered around suicide and the depths of that Technical shitbag of a college they call ITT either. Most of all the associates and friends I had at the time have either been unemployed, short-gigged, trying to go BACK TO SCHOOL FOR THE SAME SUBJECT, or just plain fucked at one time or another since graduation.

Example: C. Brooks. Most talented artist I've seen in years. Not to mention a kick-ass computer animator. She graduated nearly at the top of the class with art that would make you shit your pants if they weren't Depends. But has she been given a job that spawns her creativity since graduation? Hell no she's racking boxes at FedEx. Now before you say "Nari, we all have to start somewhere", how can you start if you're too tired to do what you love every time you come home? Every day she has to pay money for student loans along with living in a shit neighborhood with family hardships.

And God knows where I'm headed. No I'm not worried that I have no car or job right now. I'm fucked over probability. I was in good health ready to kick ass by the time I got out of High School only to have my first seizure at ITT by 19 years old (And four more afterwards). My biological father had epilepsy as well. My older half is bipolar. They've worked through it well over the years, no doubt. But think of this: People say I'm most like my "older half". I have epilepsy like my old man. Dig this, people with neurological disorders (like epilepsy) are 22% more likely to get depression than those without it. Do you know how much biploar has already affected me?

And yes of course what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I've put up with a lot of shit over time and came out on top (Or at least survived) over the years and shock myself at the fact I'm still breathing after swallowing all those aspirins back when I was 16. But the same way that men end up cheating when their wives continuously accuse them of it, the same way I feel I may be climbing up that steep hill of craziness, JUST BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP THINKING OF THE RISK OF ME SUFFERING MORE FROM IT.

I like to feel I have nothing to worry about since I live in the moment. Most likely tomorrow I'll be feeling like I own the world and gleefully live off the fat of the land and do as I please, not thinking of the consequences. Writing my scripts or whatever, maybe some graphic design, not pick up my cell phone, burn 200 calories walking just to eat 400 calories of food, do the little things around the house everyone appreciates but no one cares to say thank you for, and think of how nice it would be to have my own cartoon, or to be a cartoon, or an actor, maybe a comedian. Perhaps a wrestling manager, hell maybe a wrestler. Perhaps take up cooking one day, or get enough money for another tattoo. And finally leaving Memphis for California, maybe Georgia. Definitely New York. That way I can be like those cool people at 30 Rock. Not the show, the actual 30 Rockefeller Plaza. Though Alec Baldwin still kicks ass.



Dreams are pretty much the only thing that keeps me sane nowadays. Matter fact, what am I bitching for?! Fuck this world I'm gonna turn to Adult Swim, whack off and hit the sheets with Betty Boop! PEACE!!

Desperate Thinking: Voting for Micucci’s Thickburger Ass

Current mood: awake
Category: Blogging

Man I hope I can do this…

Come on Nari, maintain creative spark…

Deep breath, I think I got it.

Why hello! It's you again! Hello, your name here! How's it going? You don't say… wait! Whatever you're about to say next, shut it and read. It's time for Desperate Thinking.

1. As some of you may notice, I've been a little strung on Kate Micucci lately. She's been really nice to me as of late and for a Hollywood actress doing a movie in Rome that's pretty cool to your boy. To me, the more friends in the 818 the better. Besides, her music really is cool. Also check out RunawayBox.com to see her on "Elevator".
2. Forgive me for not being able to provide footage of this, but I went to central Arkansas for my cousin's college orientation last week. Alas, that part of Arkansas is beautiful!! I was absolutely stunned not only at the beauty of the mountains in that area, but the fact that I've been to Arkansas (Eastern, BTW) several times before and never have I seen such a pretty sight. I guess there really is a GOOD reason they call Arkansas the Natural state. Even the people at the Ramada Inn were good people. That is until the morning we checked out then they ignored us.
3. And after that infamous checkout, kicked in the desire of man and his love for the taste of death. Let me ask you, have you ever had a Hardee's Thickburger? Well the first one I had was the six-dollar burger (Retail: $3.99) when I was 17 or so. That behemoth burger gave me flashbacks of when I couldn't finish a Big Mac at the age of 7 and I started crying like a little bitch about it, asking myself, "WHY CAN'T I FINISH IT? IT'S SOOOO GOOD!" Needless to say, there is no Hardee's in Tennessee, but there was in Arkansas…
4. You may be saying "Nari, quit talking about this damn burger and bring up your sex life so I can feel better about myself already!" Well no I'm not getting laid, and I'm not looking either. There've been some pretty domestic disputes going on with my fam lately and it only makes me happier I'm single. Besides I'm a Sagittarius and I'm pretty one-track minded either way it goes. Happy now?
5. So I get my cousin, brother, and former Stepdad into this one Hardee's in the next 500 mile radius, right? Flippin' incredibly! I didn't order the Six Dollar Burger, instead I order the special Prime Rib burger (I'm sure you've seen the YouTube ads). Man, I KILLED that damn burger! I even finished my brother's cheeseburger! And what made all this so much more special? Why years of suffering with all other mainstream fast food chains that are around the corner wherever you go, of course. See you a Hardee's, get you a burger. Moving on…
6. In an effort to publicize my talents as a writer a little more to the public eye, I've released Act 1 of the first episode to "Posey's Pockets" on my profile. Some may say this isn't the smartest idea in the world, but unlike most staff writers for shows, I didn't go to a big college yet so I'm doing what I can to get by, along with spec scripts in development as quickly as possible.
7. My 30^th Desperate Thinking is coming really soon, this is 28th. I've had some pretty cool suggestions as to what I should do for the entry, and I'm still accepting. One person said I should reflect and plan ahead. Another said I should go around my neighborhood and make friends (Since I hate neighborhoods and people pep talk). Even I myself thought of writing in 30 entries at once. We'll see what happens.
8. Just thought I'd use this space to further accentuate the truth that I hate neighborhoods, hoods, projects, and sometimes even people. But in spite of this I am very humble to people and never intentionally harmful. I've hurt many yes, but in worst way shit does happen and I apologize. I am sorry for and regret nothing.
9. Shout out to my nizza the RZA coming out with another LP this year. I've purchased several of his albums more than several times because I absolutely love his music to the core. It's been about four years since his last, so I hope this one rocks.
10. And for those who have been reading since, I want to tell you I'm voting for Obama. Yes, I'm voting for Barack Obama. The death of Tim Russert at such a timely event that couldn't have been imagined without his presence has told my heart that I should do the right thing. Obama believes in change, and I've finally allowed my ego to change as well. One vote does matter, and the working class needs their share after what we've been through.
11. And for those who have known me before reading since, know that even though millions feel the above is true, the previous entry on my part is completely horse manure. If you don't want skin that's gold VOTE FOR THE OLD!!! HAHAHA!!! But really, did you expect me to support Obama so soon? He better have John Edwards as VP or something!

Just had to add in a little "me" after all that advertising… take care people.

--Expirasin, your TimeKeeper

Desperate Thinking: A Best Blog Ever Wroted

02 Jun 2008

Desperate Thinking: A Best Blog Ever Wroted Current mood: contemplative Category: Blogging Hey you people out there who I know and probably do not know… it's mighty nice to see you today. My name's Nari. But on the internet, most people call me Expirasin. Well, when they get to know me they call me Nari but they always call me Expirasin at first. This here is called Desperate Thinking. It's just a blog in reality, but I think its special because its not like other blogs. I really put a lot of thought into it since I don't have anything else better to do. And if you're wondering why I'm suddenly introducing this to you, its because I've had a few drinks. Wheeeeeeee… While I'm listening to the sarcastic sounds of Tenacious D, let's mix the predictability of complaints with the respectability of asking questions. Let's even give it a name. How about "Why does blank "blank" so much?" How does that sound? Pretty good? Well tough luck, Scooter. I don't rewrite for shit. "I made a script and I gave it to this producer. He said it was good I just need to rewrite it. I said fuck that I'll just make a copy!" --Mitch Hedburg 1. Why do people with the privelge of making their own decisions disguise spousal reality with hopes of Prince Charming or Cinderella so much? I'm 22 years old now and I've grown to realize that a person has flaws, but for some reason in the back of my head I feel that I MUST have a woman who is black, but not that black, or Spanish, funny, and ambitious. And she must have love for science fiction, cartoons, or pro wrestling or else we won't have anything to talk about. You know, there was a time (And still is) where a man would be paired with a woman just because! Hell, there were even dowry's for some men who married the right woman! Can you imagine getting paid $10,000 just for marrying a bitch?! Does having the privilege to see who you want supposed to make you THAT picky? OK, now I'm listening to Sleepless Sessions by Basic Weaponry: www.myspace.com/wxmc 2. Why do I continue to walk down the streets of the highway despite seeing a dead animal on the side of the road every single time I do so so much? Shouldn't I be getting a wake up call to learn to ride a bike since I don't have a car or license? While I may not have all the answers to this question, I know nobody better come to my face talking about being green, cause my room is the only place in my house with energy efficient bulbs, and I walk whenever I want to go somewhere, so if Al Gore says SHIT to me that's his ass!! 3. Okay, this one is a little off track, but listen: Boxer Melissa Hernandez (Of my site Boxeogirls.com) has a fight next week against a woman named Melissa Fiorentino. Sounds cool, but check this out. Before she got arrested for being a part of a steroid ring, our former mascot model Cindy Serrano fought this Fiorentino girl and lost. Then worse came to worst. Now, only months after joining Boxeogirls, Melissa Hernandez is next in line. This is fucking weird to me. It may seem like simple coincidence, but can you believe that our latest model Stacey Reille (Who just said yes to joining us Saturday) just had her first loss yesterday? The site's getting better but the girls are paying for it!!! Anyhow… Listening to Dethklok now… and watching preschool cartoons because I miss my nephew a little. He's on vacation… 4. Why does 2008 suck so much? I don't even have anything to back that up, just complaints. Halle Berry and J. Lo are milfs, Jessica Alba's pregnant, so is Jessica Simpson's sister, Madonna's clearly a nigga lover (What? Don't look at me like that), and CBS is taking all the good shows on TV and more. PLUS the world's greatest TV block for kids (Kids' WB!) is gone thanks to digital cable and whining bitch ass moms! Have you seen the latest Fruity Pebbles commercials???? Oh sure there's a flipping website for Kids WB now, but the CW isn't advertising it (Or updating it even) so it'll be offline in a matter of months. Fuck, I hate when corporations destroy great TV ideas. 5. Last but not least, I felt inspired by Christina (A bud of mine) because she made a kick-ass blog of all of her favorite cartoons from the 90's which developed her childhood. Well, being the stupid, crazy ass blog series this is, I'm going to list 5 cartoons that helped me develop during and after puberty. Ah, puberty. Thanks Chris Juvi, I owe you. HOME MOVIES: This Brendon Small classic was boring for me to watch at first thanks to the Squigglevision and and extended conversation, but when you put that aside and actually LISTEN to the irony of the conversations, its hilarious. SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST: Now, this show came out when I was 7, so I grew up with it, but thanks to the guys at Adult Swim, SGC2C taught me that death does happen, and sometimes for fucked up reasons. Why??!! Why did they kill Space GHOST??!!!! And damn I miss Birdman… he was my absolute favorite. SOUTH PARK: Let's get something straight. I don't watch South Park anymore. It's been around for a while and the show's pretty boring to watch even though the stories still makes sense. But when I was 12 and everyone in school was bugging about this paper-cut sitcom with cussing kids, I struggled not to watch, knowing it was TV-MA (I was pretty serious about TV ratings at the time when no one else was). Unfortunately, my cousin's husband at the time made me check it out one day and it destroyed everything positive I had dreamed and pretended the world to be. (Listening to the Beatles…) NEUROTICALLY YOURS: I'm going to stick this one here because I was never familiar with the underground popularity of internet flash cartoons until an old online friend introduced me to this show. It still stands on its toes today, but if it weren't for the damn Foamy rants it would still be considered flawless. And no Fred, I'm not giving any credit to Mario the Monkey. What the fuck was that crap anyway??? And number one for the night goes to… COWBOY FUCKING BEBOP!!!! This was not only the first Japanese anime I ever CHOSE to watch, but it was also the show that made me a believer in the Cartoon Network block "Adult Swim". Once again, as you can see, I'm a traditionalist when it comes to my shows. When I see something good I like to stick to it, so when I saw my favorite channel making a transition to shows that could possibly damage a young child's brain, I was against it 100%. Thank you Spike, for giving me faith. You too, Edward :) Alright, I'm gone. Hope we had fun!! I'm gonna peel my glass onion and bust a yellow submarine with my Silver Hammer… --Expirasin P.S. How many times do you see a quote containing references to the Beatles songs mixed in with masturbation? I told you this was a good blog series! P.S.S. Subscribe much?!!?

Desperate Thinking: I Am a Fraud

26 May 2008

Desperate Thinking: I am a Fraud Current mood: awake Category: Blogging I see you like to laugh so put my funny bone down your throat, motherfucker --AnP I can't go on like this anymore!!! It's time to let everyone here know... that I... Nari Ponder... AKA Expirasin... am a fraud. Everytime I've written a blog on this account, it has not been my true liking. Although it is my execution, the true imagination and mind frame that spawns the term "Desperate Thinking" is only because of one person... Alberto Mysterio... and yes, I only know his pen name. Like I said, everything I write on this blog is solely my work, but the reason I write it is because I've been inspired by him to write from the gut ever since I was in my senior year of High School. Mind you this was in 2003, long before I even knew what a fucking 'blog' was. Feeling the class wasn't aware of the little things that could make Jackson MS fun, my writing teacher Mr. Strong would lay these local magazines stacked in front of the class every week for the deliquents to read (I bullshit you not). Not many people read these, but I happened to grab one during school and I came across a series called "Confessions of a Black Punk Rocker". Simply put, a black guy in his mid 40's who loved rebel behavior would write his opinions and memoirs in the 1/3 of a page space he had to use each week. Normally I would say "long story short, I fell in love with the guy" but this was the first time I actually read someone become a prick right in front of my eyes. Oh sure, I had SEEN pricks, or avoided them, rather. But this guy stuck to it without any remorse. In my eyes, he was actually pretty kindhearted, but time had grown old against him, leading him to do nothing except spill his guts out for a couple of hundred dollars, not realizing the effect he could have on the world, including mine. I kept every article I could grab of Alberto's. First collecting the entire magazines, then cutting out the articles. I have about 14 of them to this day, with no luck of finding anything new after four years. I even remember crying after getting an email from the editor of the Jackson Flyer saying that Alberto had left Jackson and went back to his homestate of Texas (This was after sending many Where's Alberto emails). From time to time, I still look for Alberto's work online without luck, and without fail, I make another Desperate Thinking... With my life, expectations, and shortcomings I've begun to feel like I am slowly becoming Alberto. Not in an experience fashion (There's nothing he hasn't felt anyone else hasn't) but in a sense that the older I get, the less I'll care about what most people think. Which is good sometimes, but that habit is easy to blow out of proportion. Soon, it may be the death of me. So Alberto, tonight's blog is you... and its dedicated to you as well. Motherfucker. Confessions of a Black Punk Rocker "The Year I Lost My Mind" People cling to their rotten memories, to all their misfortunes, and you can't prey them loose. These things keep them busy. They avenge themselves for the injustice of the present by smearing the future inside them with shit. They're cowards deep down and just. That's their nature. --Louis-Ferdinand Celine 1992. We moved into that house. It was $500 a month, with a $500 deposit. The rental agent ran away with the deposit, and I never saw it again. It was me and her and three dogs. Two of the dogs would fight each other, ripping and tearing, trying to kill each other. We had to move them around the house like chess pieces so they never came in contact. That was a constant job. Frat Boy Sr., was still in the White House, so I was having a hard time landing a job. I did a few temp gigs and a little commercial acting. A few bucks came in from the comic book I was drawing, but basically I was being supported by a woman that was making six dollars an hour. How we managed to survive I do not remember. It got hot that summer. Every day was 100 degrees. There was no air conditioner, so I sat in my underwear and sweated. There was no furniture, so I sat on a cinderblock in front of the television and waited to die. Every cartoonist in town came by one night and asked me to party. There were almost 20 of them. I was known as the guy who could draw faster than anyone else. I just sat on that brick and stared at the television until they left. They never came around after that. I would scrape together loose change and buy unfiltered Pyramid cigarettes from the dollar store. Those things were horrible, like smoking rolled sheets of plastic, but it was all I could get. Emo's had just opened up and I would see all these beautiful women there, all dressed up in fishnet and leather, mohawks and black lipstick, and I cursed myself for being in a loveless common-law marriage. I would take my pit bull (Melvin) with me. I rescued him from the gas chamber when I worked as a dog catcher the year before. He only growled at skin-heads. He was a good dog. The woman always accused me of things that never happened. She would tell me that I was going to leave her, that I was going to cheat on her. Every time she cut into me, I'd drink another cheap malt liquor to replace the soul she was sucking out of me. In the end, she left me, but by that time I didn't care. We were too poor to rent a lawn mower, so the grass was about three feet high by October. When we opened the back door, a cloud of mosquitoes rose into the air and attacked like a single living thing. Vermin, vermin everywhere. I bombed the house weekly, bought glue traps and pyrethrin spray, but the vermin were everywhere. You could see the fleas leaping along the hardwood floor, smell the rancid mouse urine in the air. The cockroaches were the worst. Giant Texas palmettos like miniature tanks, indestructible, innumerable. I'd stopped sleeping in the same room as the woman, and the roaches would crawl across my face at night, and I'd jump up, yell, feel the adrenaline pumping through me. I'd check the room before I went to sleep, then put the duct tape around the door seals, but they still got in. How, I cannot say. At 3 a.m. I would laugh to myself as I wondered what could possibly happen next. When Brother Bill got into the White House, I managed to find a job. I carried boxes of magazines in a warehouse, huge packages that weighed more than I did, yet I never got any bigger, just smaller and harder. I'd work there all day and go home to the roaches and the dogs and the woman. When the woman decided to date other people, I was happy. It took about two months to get up to speed, but when I did, I had some beauties. There was Kristen, Koshka, Maria... and Eve. Eve was the craziest of them all, an atomic bomb of a woman. A stripper with a skin-bird haircut and the lack of caution and discretion only found in serious alcoholics with mental problems. I fell in love with her, just like I fell in love with the rest, but in the end I wound up alone, we all do. I suppose I should have been satisfied. I was dating whoever I wanted, drawing my comic books, had a job, and I was popular at Emo's. Yeah, I should have been happy, but for some reason I was sad and disgusted. I'd wasted five years in college. I was poor. There's no dignity in being poor, just anger. You're always lashing out at whatever is closest to you. I was full of love that I could not properly express.I had brilliant ideas that would never do the world any good. I had no way to let it out, and I'd forgotten how to cry. I was imploding... entropy... death. This depression coated me like a filthy oil as summer turned into the chill of autumn that year. Skeletons, pumpkins, frost-breath, cockroaches, and this thing screaming inside me. There was nothing for me to do but wait for it to be over, and I've been doing it ever since. This memory is dedicated to to the beautiful yet deadly women who refer to themselves as "exotic dancers." *New Desperate Thinking coming very soon after this.